Trying to be Normal March 12, 2007
Posted by Jen in : Writing Bits , 19 commentsOh, balls. In fact, if you’ll indulge and excuse me, balls and buggeration. Aaarrghh! Double Arrrghhh! AAARRGHHHH!
Fed up with my job, I am. I do a good job. Despite evidence to the contrary (i.e. all previous posts) I am an intelligent person. I compose kick-arse letters to reclaim money from bastard customers who come into the store, buy a barrow-load of designer gear with a cheque which they promptly stop before closing their account. I co-ordinate the training of 200+ staff. I sort out everyone’s problems. I keep everyone happy. I somehow convince people that Retail Hell is a fantastic place to work. I do all this for £6.00 an hour. I am clearly mental.
So. Tomorrow, or today if you’re reading this tomorrow (oh, are you trying to complicate things?) I am going to Interviews. I am going to pretend to be normal. This is, as you can imagine, quite a strain. I loathe interviews.
Scary Interviewer-type scary person: Can you type very fast?
Spazzy Me: Oh, yes. I am very marvelous indeed. Apart from my bunch of fat sausage-like fingers which cannot type at all at this moment in time. Really, I am much less sausage-like on a Wednesday.
Scary, standing-up-type person: Do you often fall over?
On-the-floor me: No, I am quite often upright. When I have fooled you into thinking that I am normal, I will not wear high heels and contact lenses and try to look intelligent all at the same time.
Oh, fuck-a-duck. Wish me luck.
