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Patching Things Up March 17, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Bits and Pieces, Journal , trackback

I went to the Outside World today. Brave, I know. I hadn’t even made an appointment. I just went. Got in my clapped out car and, vroom vroom, beep beep, tootled off to the patch of world known as Royal Tunbridge Wells. Crumbs, I’m posh.

Anyway. Lovely bf said we could go to the cinema, now that I have ceased with my phlegm-expulsion habits. We watched Becoming Jane. ‘Twas quite good. Not as good, though, as the adverts at the start. There was one which had someone sticking coffee patches on their arms. (It was something like that; I’d had a little drink or two with lunch and was having a spot of bother with my concentration department.) It reminded me of my friend who gave up smoking but took up sticking nicotine patches all over herself to stop her getting grumpy.

I invented a marvelous invention which I had quite forgotten. When considering the patches, I was rather disappointed that said patches came in only two flavours: fags and hormones.

My fabulous idea was for spliff patches. I’m sure they’d be quite easy to rustle up. A bit of spliffy-stuff and a plaster. How difficult can it be?

Prototypes can be sent in a plain brown parcel to:

Mitzy Raven,
Middle o’ Nowhere,
The English Countryside.

First class please. Pretty please?

Comments»

1. Stuart - March 17, 2007

There’s an ace Viz Top Tip for if you’re on a diet, to do with Sellotaping a crisp to your arm.

It could work.

2. Caroline - March 18, 2007

You may need testers for that.
I’m available. Just so you know.

xx

3. la-que-sabe - March 18, 2007

Absolutely. What Caroline said.

Glad you’re less…cough-y. :)

4. Jen - March 18, 2007

Oh, you girls are so self-sacrificing!! But thank you. :)

And Stuart… hmmm… I can see all sorts of variations on the theme now you come to mention it… bring on the G&T patches… hmmmm…

X

5. liz fenwick - March 18, 2007

make mine red wine please :-)

6. JJ - March 19, 2007

I’d like maltesers please.

7. Jen - March 19, 2007

Oh, how funny! Spliffs, red wine, Maltesers and crisps… I might actually work this into my novel! It’s a great indicator of people…

Any other requests for patch ‘flavours’?

X

8. Caroline - March 19, 2007

whisky flavour x
good luck today (twitter tells all)
x

9. Jen - March 20, 2007

Mmmm, whisky… probably not good to be thinking about whisky at 5.30 in the morning. Might help the writing though? Jim Beam patches. Yeah!

Interview was hideous… seriously… you can’t begin to imagine!! Hey ho.

X

10. tea and cake - March 20, 2007

fags and hormones for me …. o, i already have them. i think i shall stick with what you’re having!

sorry about the grim interview - if they don’t give you an offer, stuff ‘em! kaz xx

11. Hunty - March 29, 2007

You’ve got it all wrong, darling - it’s all about sex and winning ;-)

12. Jen - March 29, 2007

Hunty: Huh?!