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Of Ongoing Obscurity. April 28, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Journal, Novel , 16 comments

I have had a worrying thought. Success/notoriety/fame can be achieved by only a small percentage of people, right? Now, my problem is this: At school, I used to sit next to Graeme le Saux in Geography. What if he has selfishly taken my portion of celebrity and used it all up himself? We can’t all be rich and famous from one classroom, can we? Sigh.  I am so doomed.

To compound my woes, I am still car-less. According to my bastardly insurance company, I must now register my non-existent car in the UK before they will process my claim. I am perhaps being typically dimwitted but WHAT?!?!? They have taken my car and heartlessly sold off its body parts, no doubt. And now I have to register it? Even though it doesn’t  exist anymore?  REALLY?? Gawd.

I don’t think I like insurance men. They wear cheap, shiny suits and anoraks. They think I can live in the middle o’ nowhere with only a pogo stick and a couple of carrier bags in which to transport my children. No, I don’t like them one little bit.

In writing news, I am re-writing. Sigh. I could throttle my characters - instead of doing as they’re told, they keep getting ideas above their station, pushing themselves forward with their chests puffed out. So, I’m abandoning their first-person narratives for a while and re-writing in third person. This, I am hoping, will be my metaphorical whip. The fact that I seem able only to crack the whip at people who don’t actually exist is a little pathetic, don’t you think?

Oh my. I am truly having A Bad Week.

Mingling with the Stars April 23, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Journal , 14 comments

bookI met Lucy Diamond on Saturday at her book-signing in Brighton. She is lovely; all smiley and clever and writerly. On the basis of this, I bought her book.

‘Ooh, write something witty in it,’ I urged her.

I didn’t look straight away at what she had written. I was pretending to be cool, you see. As soon as I got round the corner, though, I whipped it out.

To Jen,

Can’t wait to read your navel…

My navel? My navel ?? Crumbs.

 

Sighing. Even though it’s early. April 20, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Journal , 9 comments

Oh dear. I think I have the stress. I can feel it nibbling my shoulders, my neck, my frowning department. Sigh.

I got up early this morning to write. At 5.30 in fact. And now it’s 6.20 and I still haven’t written anything. So I’m writing this instead. Potential publishers take note! Hopeless non-writing writer is up and at ‘em. Sigh.

In motoring misery news: the men are coming to take away my beloved car today. I can’t bear to say goodbye. I will pat its battered body as I leave for work and try not to think of it being squished into the shape of an Oxo cube by a car-squishing machine. Sigh.

In dieting misery news: I baked a fabulous Nigella Lawson chocolate fudge cake for lovely bf’s birthday. Phwoar! Seriously the fabbest cake ever, at least 10 feet tall and fluffy and yumptious. Serves 10, or 1 with a broken heart it says on the recipe. I’ve avoided Nigella so far but now, oh, I am smitten. Truly. Sigh.

Shopping list for the weekend:

  1. A nice new car, preferably within the budget of the approximate £3.79 the bastard insurance is sending me for mine.
  2. A body impervious to the perils of chocolate fudge cake.
  3. A bucket of inspiration.

Sigh. In fact, make that a double.

On Having a Good Support System April 15, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Journal , 9 comments

Lovely bf watches me get dressed into my exercise gear. He looks at my anti-bounce bra in horror.

Bf: Man, what is that device?

Me: It is my sports bra. Please do not look at me in my sports bra or I will not be responsible for my actions.

Bf: Man! (Goes a bit goggle-eyed at this point.) Is it bullet-proof?

No stiffness today, I am glad to report.

bra

 

Of Exuberant Bouncing and Subsequent Stiffness April 12, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Dieting Misery, Journal , 5 comments

Ooch. Ouch. Grooaaan.

Did I mention that I went for a run yesterday? I think I may have overdone it a little. When I arrived home, lycra-clad and the colour of beetroot, the postie-in-a-van was delivering my latest fad piece of exercise equipment. A Reebok rebounder. Or, as my children called it, a granny’s trampoline. GRRRRRRRRR.

But. It is rather marvellous. I can bounce, bounce, bounce without my knees falling to bits: I have hypermobility syndrome. My joints extend far beyond the range they should meaning I end up with injuries beyond my wildest dreams. I think that’s what it means. It could just be a medical way of saying I’m a loose woman.

Anyway. Running. Bouncing. Springy star jumps. You name it, I did it yesterday. Ooch. Ouch.

Lovely bf was surprisingly keen on the purchase of said rebounder. Strangely, I do not think he was considering my knees during its evening demonstration.

I quote:

‘Just wait ’til the webcam’s up and running. This thing’s gonna make me a fortune.’

When I am less achey, I shall catch him and kill him.

Thinking Thin Thoughts April 11, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Dieting Misery, Journal , 4 comments

This is it. I mean it this time. I’ve been on diets. I’ve lost weight. I know it works. I have also made the amazing discovery that if I don’t exercise and eat too much and/or drink too much, I will get fat again.

I am now fat again. Bugger. How did that happen? Oh.  Sigh.

Calorie-counting
Patrick Holford’s fat-burner diet
Eating only chicken and eggs - a crazy idea from a 1970s book my mother found at a jumble sale

I’ve tried them all. And, actually, they all work. Eat less, move about more. Doesn’t take a genius.

Oddly, I don’t think blogging burns many calories. Must get off arse.

I am going for a run. Really. The negative self-loathing part of me is in hysterics: Going out in public? In Lycra? Ha ha ha ha haaaaaar, can I watch?

Thinking thin, thinking thin. Not thinking about naughty food at all.

Raaaaah!

Frolicking with Le Freak April 7, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Bits and Pieces, Journal , add a comment

Lovely bf took me out for an airing this morning. A little walk, he proclaimed, would be just the thing. Just the thing for what, exactly, I didn’t like to ask.

Hours, we were walking. Hours! I think it may have been a punishment. Yesterday, I was feeling a little high-spirited. A day in the sunshine, a pile of books, newspapers and my new found love: Le Freak. I was emboldened by Le Freak. Friskified, even. There was talk of lots and lots of sex to be had ‘later’.

When ‘later’ arrived I was, needless to say, totally and utterly conked out in some sort of car-crash position, dribbling onto a cushion and sporting a sunburnt face. Cue mumbling and slight swearing from lovely bf.

So. Today I have been taken on a very long walk. I am banned from more fortified freakiness of any sort.

le freak

But lovely bf is now in the garden, teaching the dog how to play golf. And I am here. And guess what is in the fridge, just steps away? Yes, my new love. Love should always be kept in the fridge. Keeps it fresh, don’t you know.

Snippety Snip April 3, 2007

Posted by Jen in : Journal, Novel , 7 comments

Crikey! Kate has finished the first draft of her novel which is making me feel rather ashamed of myself.

So. Serious words to be written today. I was going to say that I am worrying too much about the words I actually have written being worthy but the upshot being that there won’t be too much editing to do. I am clearly talking utter twaddle.

Tetleys Extra-Strong brewing for its obligatory seven minutes, I scoured the cupboards for hangover-curing food. A bendy carrot and some syrup. A square of chocolate. A bottle of rum. A box of soggy Cheerios. I could dip the carrot in the syrup, I thought. Then sprinkle the Cheerios over it and roast it. But it would probably come out of the oven looking a shrivelled, warty willy. I didn’t think even mad Nigel Slater would get excited over that.

Utter twaddle doesn’t cover it really. This lot is going to need far more than a subtle pruning.

chainsaw