Handy Hint of the Day June 13, 2007
Posted by Jen in : Journal , trackbackWhen applying for a job you really fancy, do not, under any circumstances, write the covering letter for said position after manic blog-writing. It will only end in tears. Oh dear.
Dear Ann
Re: Jolly Good Job in Funky Advertising Agency
I noticed the above vacancy on Courier.co.uk and attach my CV for your consideration.
I am currently a [tortured soul in Retail Hell] but would really love the opportunity to work in a more creative environment. I have many years’ experience as an administrator in a surprising range of areas. I am also an experienced proofreader, having worked freelance before taking my current position in Retail Hell.
As well as working part-time, I am halfway through a BA (Hons) in Humanities with English Lit & French with the Open University (recently gaining a Distinction in Creative Writing). Any spare time is taken up with my two terrible children, a novel in (slow) progress and tootling the flute in various chamber orchestras/ensembles.
With so many balls in the air, I have become amazingly well-organised and unflappable while remaining positive and perky (though not nauseatingly so!). In addition to this, I also make great tea…
I truly believe I would be an asset to your fabulous advertising agency and would very much like the opportunity to discuss this application further.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yes, I look forward to hearing from you – when you arrive with the men in white coats. Sigh. What was I thinking? I’ve been trying to squeeze in through an advertising door for yonks and what do I do when the right door creaks open? Do I walk in with poise and persuade them that I’m a jolly decent type? No. Of course not. I go barging in, run around naked and set fire to their knickers while screaming through a megaphone that I’m a complete and utter spaz. You know, just in case they hadn’t noticed. Yay.
Comments»
That is a handy hint. I hope it’ll be part of an series that we can collect into a handy compendium. I particularly liked your use of the word “unflappable” as you flapped around the letter in high excitement, full of “love”, “amazingly”, “surprising”, and my personal favourite “fabulous”.
I also note that you didn’t find a adjective to depreciate your flute playing, even though your children are terrible and your novel is slow. Hmmmm, interesting.
Flute-playing, ball-juggling, perkiness AND a great tea-maker?
The interview will be a mere formality. You’re in there!!
Oh, Bobo, you’ve used your head-shrinking malarkey on me and discovered the terrible truth: I’m a flowery, OTT, tragic flapper!! A handy compendium of the truths I’ve learnt through bitter, bitter existence could be a fun novel actually! Thanks for the idea
LD: Cheers! Strangely, I haven’t heard a peep from them… arrrghh… maybe I could join a circus instead…
XX
From my brushes with advertising people, you sound like you’ll fit in perfectly. Although I understand the setting fire of the knickers ritual is just a weekly thing.
If it were up to me you would have the job in a heartbeat. I am totally stealing your letter to use to get jobs when I am unemployed (ie in 6 weeks!).
*Snorts in laughter* I think you’re a shoo-in, fiery knickers and all. Advertising needs originality and humor, and hon, you’ve got both!
Bedshaped: A weekly thing, you say? Oh, how terribly disappointing!!
Kate & Angie: Shucks, thanks you guys! When I rule the world, I shall share my fiery knickers with you and we will set the world alight. Huzzah!!
X
If they’re pompous enough not to appreciate so entertaining, and probably unusual, a letter, then you don’t want to work for them. Don’t exchange retail hell for advertising hell - you’re worth more than hell twice over!
Still laughing here. You sound perfect
KW: Oh, woe is me! I haven’t heard a thing and it’s Friday now. I suspect I shall be toiling in the bowels of Retail Hell forever - and then probably a bit longer. Woe, woe and thrice woe… ’tis too pitiful to even contemplate
Liz: You know, I don’t think they’ve seen through the facade of lunacy. Nobody wants me. Nobody. *Sob*
Jen
What a fabulous application letter. They’d be mad to reject.
I think Kate summed it up - especially the tea bit. As for juggling the studies, kids and chamber music AND knicker burning…. Madam, You’re Hired!
So, what would you actually like to do, if you could, as a day-job (ignoring any writerly inclinations)? I’m great with CVs, you know…
They’d be mad not to hire you! And if they don’t want to hire someone like you - would you want to work for them??????? Hang in there!
Still no news… sigh… don’t they realise how desperate I am?!?!
KW: I actually have no idea what I want to be when I grow up - isn’t that sad? I suppose, if all else fails, I go back to Plan A: finish my degree and teach French to primary school children. Sadly, I hate children. They’re sticky and smelly.
Am hanging in there… though this may change soon to simply hanging myself… waaaaaaaaah
Hey, it might just stand out amongst all the staid, sensible, dull, non-perky applications. They may just invite you in, to get a good look at you!
When they do, resist the urge to take your lighter fluid, matches and megaphone.
Someone nommo-ed you for Post of the Week- and that’s how I linked here, so you’ve gained a new reader out of the ill-advised application, if nothing else
Aw, Missy M - surely matches and megaphones are essential props for any ‘creative’ interview? Ooh, Post of the Week - fancy that! Hello, by the way…
‘Waaaaaaah’ is always a good standby, isn’t it? Though really, hanging oneself would mean missing out on What Comes Next (at least on this mortal coil), which is never a good thing, in my view. How far through your degree are you? At least with the smelly nasty children you’d be in control; the power! the power! etc.
You’re right, KW, What Comes Next is always quite exciting - even if we only realise it in hindsight. Halfway through degree (but on track for a first which is funky). Am gonna plough through the last half for 18 months come February. Wish I’d done it as a teenager, to be honest. There we go with that hindsight again
Have you ever considered becoming a life coach?!
X
[...] 6. Spiral Skies’ Handy Hint of the Day [...]
Yeay! You made the shortlist for PotW!
I nominated you, hope you don’t mind.
Totally a classic post
x
Dandelion - Post of the Week? REALLY? Wow, that’s so cool, thanks for nominating me… I thought only ace people were nominated for that!
Woo hoo!
PS - no, I don’t mind at all (in case you hadn’t guessed)
[...] discovered at 6.30 this morning that I have been shortlisted for Post of the Week for this. Thank you, lovely Dandelion, for nominating me. I mean, y’know, it’s all nonsense and [...]
Well done, Jen! on POTW - and a Gerrrreat post!
http://www.RETAILHELL.co.uk
For all your customer hating needs!!!
Also currently looking for feature writers all you aspiring literati out there! So get in touch.