Hairy Scary July 12, 2007
Posted by Jen in : Novel , trackbackOh dear. I have lost the plot. Or, to be more precise, I have come to the conclusion that I didn’t have a plot to start with and am now doing unspeakable things with colour-coded record cards and a massive pin board in order to construct a plot.
I don’t lurch often onto the road of sensible thinking.
My novel has had a life of its own so far. I’ve taken an ‘organic instinctive’ approach to the whole thing, i.e. making it up as I go along. But. I came down early to write this morning. And below, dear reader, is the total crap that crept from my (character’s) mind…
Of course, there are lots of good reasons not to be entangled with a bloke. Leg hair, for starters. Mine had got so long at one point that I’d contemplated plaiting it. There’s something really sigh-inducing about doing your legs, knowing that nobody cares what’s going on underneath your trousers. Armpit hair, however, is another matter entirely. At the beginning of the man-drought, I had let my armpit hair grow long for the first time since I was about 14. Soft armpits instead of scrapy ones were quite nice until I woke up one morning with a start, leaping out of bed with a screech. For some reason, as I’d opened my eyes, my brain had insisted that there was a massive spider on my pillow. Right near my mouth, which rested on my arm as it curled around my head. Yes, I know. It wasn’t a whopping spider, obviously. But waking up terrified by your own armpit hair isn’t good and back to prickly I went. 
WTF?
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Hahahahaha thanks Jen I needed a good laugh this morning. I don’t think it’s crap, I think it’s hilarious, and I hope it gets into the final version.
That’s not crap it’s funny!
Do you think it’s not good because it was,perhaps, easy to write? Maybe you are just an instinctively good writer? I think its hal hairy arse.
Zinnia, glad I made you laugh… I am SO not going to win a Booker Prize for this
Cally: Is it? Really? I don’t know… I just want to put my head in my hands and cry!
Fiona: Easy, yes… it just pours out and I have no idea where it comes from. Hairy arses may be in the next chapter! I don’t think I’m anywhere near being an ‘instinctively good writer’. Closer to being a total mental more like… sigh
Jen, that has to be one of the funnest things I’ve read in a long time! I’ve had a real rubbish day at work and that post made me smile!
I remember at high school I knew a girl who refused to shave her armpits-I always joked that she could put it in a bun under each arm! It made swimming in PE really disgusting, the hair would… well, I’m sure you can guess… eugh!
‘Hairy arses may be in the next chapter’
Oh Good. Hurry up and write it.
Bottoms Up!
A. Writer: Hmm, could be working in retail that has made ‘armpit hair’ my intellectual level, what d’you reckon? Eugh, putting it in a bun is gross in the extreme!!!
Fiona: Gawd woman, you’re worse than me!
X
hee hee - that was quite hilarious!
I write in that organic, unplanned way too (hmm - organic - nice legitimate-sounding way to descibe my writing chaos) and it can be a bit dangerous - inconsistencies - going off on weird tracks which change the book entirely and render the beginning irrelevant - stuff like that.
I can certainly see why planning might make things a bit easier…. But still. I aint gonna do it.
oh - and did that really happen to you?? because I’m sure it’s possible. One day I woke up with a numb hand - you know, that completely dead feeling when you have lay on your arm and cut off your circulation??? Anyway - I saw my own numb hand on my pillow - and my brain registered that it was someone elses (looked like a dead someone else too) It totally freaked me out.
Rebecca - I know what you mean about going off on tangents. Or even tangerines. I must confess, though, now that I’ve thought about planning (but not, obviously, actually DONE any!) I’m thinking in a rather less directionless way. We’ll see!!
Ugh, your dead hand story is like something from a sitcom! I can’t even say the armpit hair thing happened to me - it’s just one of those weird things that made it from brain to keyboard all by its very self.
Not that I know anything about it but planning is a bit over rated this was spontaneous and funny (and a bit close to home but how else do you keep your legs warm in the winter)
Hi, on a ‘break from blog’ break.I’m with the others: FUNNY. But that monstrous spider pic should’ve come with a health warning! Eeeewwwugh.
JJx
PS Have emailed and texted. Are you in retail hell?
I’m with JJ - it was very funny, but NO spider pictures, I had to hide my eyes. Eurgh! =p
I had an experience similar to Rebecca’s, except that I rolled over in bed and my arm - dead asleep - flung over and hit me in the face. That woke me up straight away.
Karen: Ta! Ooh, yes, winter is approaching rapidly, time to start cultivating the natural legwarmers again
JJ: I hate spidders too. Ugly buggers. I promise not to bring any with me when we meet up…
Angie: I wonder whether it’s a writerly thing, having all these marauding dead limbs about our person? Something to look forward to I s’pose