On feeling a bit crotchety July 29, 2007
Posted by Jen in : Domestic Doings, Journal , trackback
Hey diddly dee, a kitchen of widdle for me…
Ahem. I have a few concerns, Doctor. Let me explain:
Now that I am officially non-working, my self-imposed confinement and daily doings of all things domestically un-goddesslike are possibly not going to provide the stimulation I require to become a sort-of writer. Today’s examples:
I get up early to write. Discover my very own Windermere in the kitchen, created by stinking hound. Swear a bit. Drink tea to make eyes open. Think that I have been up for 40 minutes but still not written any words but am too busy thinking up swear words and mean thoughts about the dog. Clean up puddle of piddle. Feel peckish. Consider whether to have toasted muffin with sardines (fishy fun to fend off mental incapacity) or croissant (happiness inducing and bloody well deserved after aforementioned wee-based mopping but a bit fattening). Eat muffin with squashed fish. Then eat two croissants with kids. Feel fat and consider that I may have to go on Jonathon Ross instead of Porky Parky when I am a bestselling novelist as he has a big settee that will accommodate my mysteriously-increasing arse. Think that getting wedged into Parky’s chrome and leather chair and having to be winched out by firemen will not be a good start to my life as a glam but rather slightly lardy writer.
Hardly sparkling, is it? The kitchen floor is though. Perhaps I will write about that… no? Really??
Comments»
Vair good. Vair funny. Vair not getting your novel done… what hours are you setting aside for writing?
What d’you mean, not getting my novel done? I’ve written, um… oh, bugger, you caught me out. I’ve had a couple of thoughts though, does that count?
I need to follow a proper timetable - get up early, say 5.30ish, and have a good novel-writing splurge before brek. (Kids. Always want feeding. Grrrrr. ) Dog walking/emptying and tooth-brushing then remainder of morning on novel. Lunch/Emmerdale break. Afternoons to be spent on short stories/articles in the hope that I can blag a sale to womens’ mag or suchlike to conjure up enough money for another novel-writing month before real life demands a proper job. Well, that’s the ideal world. I will, of course, be found weeping on the bed, self-Reikiing madly and wondering where all my ideas and money have gone
Any tips, oh wizardly one?
As someone completely lacking in self discipline my tip is say to yourself I’ll just do half an hour. Hopefully because you are then not obsessed with the fact that you have to sit there all morning and be creative the half hour will stretch out into three or four without the procastinating side of you realising. Of course you might just do half an hour then you’ll never get that novel done.
Oh dear… Been there done that. Cats seem to be just as bad as dogs. Many a time in a sleepy daze I’ve wandered down the stairs with bare feet only to stand in pee/sick/poo deposited by my cat.
Finding time to write is hard. I’ve tried the timetable thing, even typed one up and printed it off. It was about 2 weeks later I noticed the thing had fallen off the wall.
As for the Parky/Jonathan Ross thing. The decision is easier as Parky is quitting. So it has to be Jonathan Ross… Or I did read in the paper that Alan Titchmarsh wants to take over from Parky… However I’m not sure what his seats will be like. Garden Benches?
Did you see the recent post on Liz Fenwick’s blog with notes from the talk she went to by Alison Baverstock at the RNA conference about how to get a novel written? One of the things AB said was that you have to ‘be selfish with your writing time’. (I’m not very good at that either but I keep trying!) Whole post here http://lizfenwick.blogspot.com/2007/07/rna-conference-part-2.html if you’re interested. Keep at it! Write stuff!!
Karen: Self-discipline is a tricky one, isn’t it? Bitesize, achievable targets are the ticket, you’re right. But I will do it. I have to!
A Writer: Bloomin hairy hound!! No puddles this morning, thank goodness
Parky’s quitting? Again? Why was I not informed of this? Alan Titchmarsh… hmmm… he might be a bit wholesome for me. A garden bench would be a good ploy to stop victims wriggling about and being silly though!!
Zinnia: Ooh, I will have to re-read that - thanks for the reminder. I actually have Baverstock’s book on my pile to read; she talks a lot of sense. I really WILL be strict, am just settling into a routine which, despite making me sound like a toddler, is crucial to achieving anything for me - even getting my teeth cleaned! And I’m painfully aware that my ‘writing funds’ won’t last forever. One thing I’ve learnt is that, to become a writer, one actually has to write!!
You get up at 5:30am!
Oh my honey! I bow at your writer shaped feet.
x
Caroline: Getting up so early just means I’m a bit mental. Can you really see my feet from there? How scary!
yes - well - a big wide bum is an occupational hazard. It’s worse when you are actually ‘writing’ real words - because then you have to treat yourself with cakes and chocolates for a job well done!
Rebecca: I have this weird idea that I’m going to diet as I write, intersperse dazzling chapters of literary genius with dynamic runs through the countryside and sessions of mellow yoga. I shall be published, enlightened and have buns of steel. Self-delusion is a wonderful thing, don’t you think?
On the other hand being known as the lardy arsed writer who had to be winched out of Parky’s chair could just be the publicity we need, no?
My delusion is that I will write and go to gym and LOVE IT.
I think not.
Ooh, JJ, I’m sure we could become infamous for something way more saucy than being winched off the Parky show?
Gym? Ugh. That is a four-letter word. Almost.
Just get writing. Set the timer and writer for twenty minutes or half hour as Karen says. Once you break through you’ll be fine. It’s the feeling of having all that time and puts you off writing. Limit the time and I bet you’ll begin again
p.s. read Alison’s book
The dog pee thing?
The only way to guarantee it is a regular empty before bed.
Oh, and remove its water from about 8pm.
Liz: I am rather chuffed that I actually DO want to get the words out - one of my concerns was that I would just faff about but no! I’m up at the crack of dawn every day and will have it finished in 60 days if I carry on as I am. Huzzah!
Brennig: Ta for the tip! Luckily, he seems to have stopped again of his own accord - perhaps he was having some temporary trouble with his waterworks. Mmmm, this is most pleasant to think about at 6.30 in the morning. More tea required!