I am Expecting August 6, 2007
Posted by Jen in : Journal , 14 commentsI don’t know what I’m expecting. But something’s there, in the offing. I can smell it. I can sense it. I can feel it. When I get up to write and open my study door to the garden, the air outside is ready to burst with the sense of expectancy. It’s that September feeling, new but cyclical: new uniform, new pencils, new friends. It’s not September though. I’m so impatient, I want to run up and down, to dissipate the expectant energy of the something.
But the something isn’t an urgent something. It’s a lurking something, waiting, waiting, waiting. It makes my tummy swirl – though my tummy doesn’t know whether to be nervous or excited. Even my tummy doesn’t know what the something is. I’m trying to be patient but I want to hide behind a wall, to leap up like a Jack-in-a-Box to see what the something is before it’s ready. Before I’m ready.
Perhaps it’s already there. Perhaps it was always there. Perhaps I simply have more time now to notice it; to sense it. More time to notice things changing.
Oh, and I dreamt of an owl last night. An owl, perched on the back of a chair beside me, looking at me. ‘Wisdom’, he told me. I don’t do ‘wisdom’ – I’m usually too busy doing ’spaz’.
I worried a while ago about being stuck on the stepping stones. I think my muscles are flexing now for a bit of a leap. Let’s hope I don’t fall in the water…
