I am Expecting August 6, 2007
Posted by Jen in : Journal , trackbackI don’t know what I’m expecting. But something’s there, in the offing. I can smell it. I can sense it. I can feel it. When I get up to write and open my study door to the garden, the air outside is ready to burst with the sense of expectancy. It’s that September feeling, new but cyclical: new uniform, new pencils, new friends. It’s not September though. I’m so impatient, I want to run up and down, to dissipate the expectant energy of the something.
But the something isn’t an urgent something. It’s a lurking something, waiting, waiting, waiting. It makes my tummy swirl – though my tummy doesn’t know whether to be nervous or excited. Even my tummy doesn’t know what the something is. I’m trying to be patient but I want to hide behind a wall, to leap up like a Jack-in-a-Box to see what the something is before it’s ready. Before I’m ready.
Perhaps it’s already there. Perhaps it was always there. Perhaps I simply have more time now to notice it; to sense it. More time to notice things changing.
Oh, and I dreamt of an owl last night. An owl, perched on the back of a chair beside me, looking at me. ‘Wisdom’, he told me. I don’t do ‘wisdom’ – I’m usually too busy doing ’spaz’.
I worried a while ago about being stuck on the stepping stones. I think my muscles are flexing now for a bit of a leap. Let’s hope I don’t fall in the water…
Comments»
I feel the same this morning. I feel I need to go and buy myself a new pencilcase and stock it up with new pens and pencils and rubber and a new ruler. My tummy is swirling too.
That sounds very exciting and I kind of feel similar. I’ve started again, I’m feeling as though I know where I’m going again. Sometimes the minute I announce this, it evaporates into thin air… However, this time, I remember saying to someone how badly I wanted to do this, and then saying ‘I am going to do it…’ and now all I have to do is remember saying that to him, and I feel strong and optimistic again.
Helen: We seem to suffer our ups and down at the same time - how odd! New stationery is a must. I’m hunting for brown ink for my scrummy fountain pen!
JJ: You too? Ooh, we are all synchronised in a scary but writerly way… cosmic man… You know, perhaps when we say it out loud, we scare it away a little bit because we just want it so much it seems beyond our grasp? I don’t know. You CAN do it, I know you can. Having spent time with you, I actually have no doubt that you will. I will be among the first to jump for joy when you do!!
X
What an inspirational post! I wish I could feel what you are feeling! It sounds so exciting! To feel like something is building! All the best with it!
Lovely post. I feel a bit different: I know where I want to get to, and I know where I am; I’m not at all sure how to get from one to the other, but I am Absolutely One Hundred Per Cent Determined to find my way there.
A great post. I’m waiting and storing things at present. no writing from me………just feeding the soul.
Good luck
A Writer: You are quite often bursting with excitement and inspiration. I suppose the trick is to crack on while the oomph is so strong.
Zinnia: Knowing where we are now is no mean feat. SO long as we know where we’re going, we just have to trust that the directions will unfold as we need them. Your determination will get you there!
Liz: Feeding the soul is good, filling the creative well as Julia Cameron puts it. It’s all important. Besides, you are totally due a refuelling stage - you never stop!
Jen you had me worried there - owl dreams good - you seem to have made the right move out of retail hell
I’ve nominated you for the Creative Blogger Award. See my blog for details.
Hi Jen. I’ve got it too. I think it’s the approach of September that does it. Everything always begins for me in Autumn. And yes, I want whatever it is to stop faffing about and make itself known too - the anticipation is frustrating, isn’t it?
Oooh, owls are never bad. I had a dream about planting and growing things last night. Lots and lots of little sprouting green things in pots. A whole rooftop of them. (A flat roof, naturally, so they didn’t fall off and bop passers-by on the head!)
Karen: The owl only featured briefly but made quite an impression. Running away from Retail Hell certainly FEELS like the right thing to have done. Not sure it’ll still seem like that when I’m broke and jobless though!!
A Writer: Aw, thanks! Have gone all shy now…
LQS: Anticipation is one of the best feelings there is, despite its accompanying frustration! Ooh, things sprouting sounds good… new beginnings after our holiday perhaps?
I wish I felt like that but I am still in June. Not at all unhappy about that as it means I have the rest of the summer whereas you guys are all ‘Back to School’.
I wonder what dreaming about an owl means? Aren’t dreams weird? I mean they’re supposed to be our way of sifting through the day’s information but they throw up such strange stuff.
I see your word count is going up…keep going. You’re doing great.
Fiona, June sounds like a lovely sunny month with stuff to look forward to… I’m not sure about dreams just being a sifting process. I quite like to think there’s something else at work and that we can hook out messages if we look carefully? There again, I am a tragic old hippy and am off to write more words and hug some trees now
I hope you find out soon