Too Tyred to Type August 24, 2007
Posted by Jen in : Dieting Misery, Journal , trackbackUgh. On the recommendation of someone who shall not be named, but who I’m currently cursing, I have embarked on a diet. Another one. Sigh.
This isn’t just any old diet. Oh no. ‘Tis a detox too. I’m only on the second day and my poor body is begging lifelessly for a proper cuppa tea.
Instead, I am frowning, drinking Rooibos (unpronounceable so now referred to as Rudeboy’s Tea) and swallowing Nurofen by the handful. My neck feels as if it’s made of rubber and my head is likely to fall off and roll down the garden onto the compost heap at any moment. Concentration? Zero. Possibly less.
I hate dieting. I’ve done them all but, being a greedy-guts Taurean and latent lush, have always slipped back into naughty mode. Pathetic. Gin and Jaffa Cakes was my favourite diet ever – it even worked and I was terribly cheerful all the time. Low fat, you see? Genius.
But. Drastic measures are called for. Before being non-working, I used to rush home and strip off my suit (admittedly becoming rather bum-hugging) and change into either trackies for dog-walking or jim-jams for writing/studying. When I actually tried to put my jeans on, well! I’d have had more luck cramming a live jellyfish into an eggcup. Blushing, I sneaked into Gap and bought the next size up.
But, erm, let’s just say that they weren’t terribly successful either.
So. Neris and India’s Idiot-Proof Diet it is. I felt slimmer after an hour just reading the book but that was probably due to holding my sides laughing. Oddly, I’m not laughing today.
Am having to give up any pretence of writing and am instead tottering off to the beach to watch the dog learn to surf .
Taureans aren’t cut out for dieting. Luckily, Taureans don’t believe in horoscopes either.
Pffffff. Cup of Daffodil Tea, anyone?
Comments»
Roy-bosch. Dead easy. And horrible if you stew it or buy the wrong brand. Good luck!
no tea? no - that’s not a diet, that’s torture.
Ha ha ha. Welcome to my world!! I’m glad I’m not on my own any more. You see you fell for my cunning plan!
But seriously. The first 5 days are crap. They really are. Then suddenly you come out of it and think hang on. This is easy. I’m actually not hungry. There are moments when you could murder a dairy milk, but I’ve found a cure for that. Whipped cream and one square of dark chocolate. Melted. And its allowed too (well not for the first two weeks but you can after that).
I am looking at photographs of me a couple of months ago compared to photos of me taken yesterday and even I can see the change is dramatic. I’ll sedn you the photos of you like
Get through the first week Jen, maybe first fortnight and I swear you’ll be singing its praises too.
In the meantime have a look at this
http://www.pig2twig.co.uk/forums/
It’s the forum of the book. Lots of handy recipies on there and you can see you’re not alone. Masses of luck. xx
Oh good lord. I’ve just been eating Burger King with a friend of mine and now I feel horrendously guilty. I could live without most things but not tea. Definitely not tea.
Best of luck, hon!
x
Oh wizardly one, I should have guessed that you would know! You are truly brainy.
Rebecca - tell me about it. I knew I was hooked on the sodding stuff but, God, my poor head!
Helen - just you wait ’til I get my hands on you. I’d really, really love to see the photos. Really. I discovered the forum yesterday, it’s fab isn’t it? Sadly the boys are away from tonight for a week so I’ll only have the dog to shout at. Lovely bf is thoroughly enjoying my withdrawal symptoms combined with approaching full moon madness and hormonal woe!
LQS - har har, that’ll teach you! I have to say, the tea thing is killing me. Am an 8-cup-a-day Extra Strong Tetleys girl and I am sooooo suffering
Good luck. I don’t really do diets. I’m not stick thin. Far from it. Just greedy. Can’t deny myself a thing. I’m a Leo - not sure if that is relevant or not. Stress usually works for me, the pounds just melt away - but it’s not ideal. For me, life without Yorkshire Tea (Gold) would not be worth living. Hang in there matey!
Mya x
Where can I find the gin and jaffa diet book?
I did lose weight with the Paul McKenna hypnosis book/cd thing but put it all back on when husband made redundant and stayed at home cooking whole pigs for breakfast and filling fridge with cider.
Today I decided to take up riding again. Had to fill in a form stating height: 5′ 3′
weight: 11st
I hope they’ll find a dwarf Cart Horse for m
Good luck. You can do it. Bottoms up!
Best of luck with the diet!
Never been on one myself-although I probably should go on one! I can already see a healthy (or should that be unhealthy) writer’s bottom/writer’s tummy and other various saggy bits forming due to my hours at the computer (writing of course… oh ok I admit it, blog reading!)
It’s a bad sign that whenever I move, the chair underneath me creeks, yeah? God, I can see it now. I fall through the chair… Eek!
Right, hide the chocolate and get me some of that tea!
Hi Mya - I’m the same as you, can never deny myself anything. I am soooo worth it, I think as I gobble up another morsel. I’d never be stick thin, even if I never ate again. I’m just not designed to be one of those pocket-sized Kylie types. But hey ho.
Fiona - the gin and Jaffa Cake diet is truly revolutionary. The best bit is that, if you eat loads of Jaffa Cakes, the smashing orangey bit provides your fruit five-a-day.*
*Not scientifically proven.
Good on you for taking up riding again - one of the things I always wanted to do but will probably never get round to.
A Writer: God, writer’s bits can be quite sneakily perilous. You’ll be cured after your dog-sitting and your bottom will not slide down your legs. Hurrah!
It’s a great diet but the first week is hell. I am on hold at the moment but I have lost twenty pounds on the idiot thing……dh leaves for Dubai tomorrow (snif) so back onto it full power. I can feel the withdrawal coming now.
Stick with it
Ugh, I’m starting a mini-diet Monday and am not looking forward to it. Stocking up on snacks this weekend
Hang in there. (Why can’t you have tea? That I could not do. I must have either tea or coffee or else I am a zombie with a withdrawal headache.) Hope your weekend improves.
Crumbs, Liz, that’s pretty amazing! Well done you - am even more inspired now
Angie - what is a mini-diet? Where you just eat very small food? Not sure about the zero-caffeine thing; I suspect it slows down your metabolism or something. I’ve been a caffeine-zombie since, shamefully, the age of 12. The headaches are going, I’ve discovered decaf filter coffee with cream and I ain’t missing the caffeine a single bit now. Good luck with your very small food on Monday!
Oh god. I feel so quily. I have pick ‘n’ mix waiting for me, but I also have a fat arse to sit on whilst eating it. Best of British!
x
Oh bloody hell. Sorry, I can’t partake of this diet talk. Should do it, but can’t. Should try to cut down, but cannot cut out carby things. Just can’t…
JJx
Oh Caroline, I’m sure your bottom is truly scrumptious!
JJ, I’m just doing it and trying not to think about it. It’s actually not too bad so far - anyway, you’re lovely as you are. Can I have your teeth when you die? They’re perfect
X
No not eating mini food
I hesitated to call it a diet, because I’m just cutting back calories and increasing exercise until I get back to my ideal weight. I’ve been on caffeine approximately that long too, but shamefully refuse to give it up! Ah well…
too weak to blog????/ not enough tea, I imagine.
Angie, all sounds very sensible! Eat less, move about more = the very best way to do it.
Beccy: I am cured of my caffeine addiction, I’ll have you know. I won’t mention my sneaky sniffing of the open wine bottle last night though. I sniffed a ginger biscuit too. I am a very tragic person.