Of Birds on the Wire November 6, 2007
Posted by Jen in : Journal , trackbackThey pushed and they shoved, three shouting teenagers with their lank hair escaping from their hoodies as they tried to force their way past me into the house. I called and called for lovely bf to help me but he was probably plugged into his pc as usual and didn’t hear me.
Finally, I managed to slam the door shut, breathing heavily with relief. I knew they wouldn’t go quietly and, later, I saw it. Throat cut, the chicken gazed at me helplessly as it swayed, pegged to the washing line.
To make matters worse, I forgot to put my trousers on before heading off to work. On the rickety, noisy train people stared at me. They didn’t stop looking at my lardy legs even as I pointed out that we were passing the Statue of Liberty.
Sigh.
I’m wondering whether giving up my generous doses of caffeine and booze is a good thing after all.
And as for lovely bf… he should be made to suffer for failing to save me, don’t you think?
Comments»
Hasn’t Hallowen happened already? Really, Jen - you are a worry! I would go back to the caffine and booze if that’s what withdrawal does…by the way, did you take the chicken down off the line, or is it still there…?
I don’t think lovely bf is very lovely at all. He needs a new name. I suggest ‘not lovely bf ‘… clever aren’t I!?!
Hannah, I worry myself! Am swigging wine merrily at this moment in time. No more scary chickens for me.
Caroline - you are TOO clever. I’ll shout it at him in a minute and see if he notices the difference…
You had me going there until I got to ‘lardy legs’. I don’t believe that for a minute:-)
Am worried your next post will have lovely bf swinging from the washing line….
x
yes - I always punish Hilary when he upsets me in a dream! It’s only fair after all.
Lane - ha! I’ve tried dangling lovely bf from the washing line but he’s too tall and his gangly legs drag on the floor when I whizz it round
Rebecca - I find it best to dish out a little punishment every day, just in case?
Ooohhh I get so grumpy with Chris when he’s less than wonderful to me in my dreams!!
I suggest that you give up giving up alcohol and caffeine (I’ve found that this is the only thing I’ve ever managed to achieve…..funny that eh!!)
C x
I would definitely grab some gin and an espresso immediately. I will admit I didn’t understand approximately half that post. Did the teenagers butcher a chicken in your backyard? Do you have the Statue of Liberty in England somewhere? If your bf can’t be bothered to help with the groceries, does he deserve to eat? Perhaps you could get a Stepford bf, then you’d get all the help you wanted PLUS foot massages. And sex, lots of really great sex.
I prescribe an irish coffee straight away kill two birds with one stone. Are you sure your boss has started to talk to you? It’s not “the voices”
Carol, giving up giving up sounds hard. I might try though. Wish me luck!
Karen - A Stepford boyfriend sounds quite good - I shall order one on Amazon forthwith.
Breezy - God, I’m going to be obsessing about Irish Coffee all day now. And as for ‘the voices’? Ah, they’re the noises that make most sense in my dull little life
I’ve tried punishing the OH when he’s not helpful but he just enjoys it too much!!!! I like the sound of a Stepford boyfriend wonder if I could get one delivered here. Can’t for the life of me think why anyone would want to give up alcohol.
Clearly I’m a bit dim because I didn’t understand the post at all. I came and looked at it several times, but no: still very dim. The Rebecca said the magic word: dream. Ohhhh, it’s a scythe….
JJx
Sheepish - You don’t need a Stepford bf. You’re surrounded by French men and they’re perfect. Your OH might object though, I suppose. Gawd, pass the vino.
JJ - worry not, old girl. At least you spotted the secret scythe.