Of Triple Ineptitude January 24, 2008
Posted by Jen in : Journal, Novel , trackbackHmmm. Would you like some advice on how to have a happy career? Marvellous. Here you go then:
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Do not write an email on spec to a tip-top publishing company proclaiming your fabulous tea-making abilities. Especially after exceeding your daily caffeine intake in one hour. This could give the impression of lunacy.
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Do not accidentally out yourself in your blog of nonsense. Your prospective new employer will google you and read things you may not wish them to know before an interview. This, also, could give the impression of lunacy.
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When, despite the odds, you have secured an interview on the very same day as your email, do not start the conversation by talking about pyjamas. This could give the impression of lunacy and laziness.
Good Lord. At least, as Prospective New Boss commented on my rumbly tumbly, I did not mention the fact that I was crammed into too tight suit trousers. After an hour and a half, breathing was tricky enough; performing any sort of digestive activities would have been a miracle.
And, as if that wasn’t enough dimwittery for one week, I had a dishwasher-related incident last night. This has caused my little finger to go completely black with bruising. I look as if I’ve had an ancient curse placed upon me.
And, just to top it all off, I have discovered – 80,000 words into The Novel – that I have characters called Kittie and Kat. Oh, bloody hell.
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I’m sorry to be norty and laugh but Kittie and Kat is making be ……yes laugh very much. You don’t have a character called Chunky do you? Better check before you get to 90,00:-).
Hi Jen
Have been reading your blogs for months and months now - have it in my favourites column actually. Enjoy it so much - am thrilled you didn’t get that crappy job and see now that you’ve almost finished your novel which is an incredible achievement.
I’m writing my second novel at the moment. My first got an agent, but sadly no publisher. In fact sometimes I feel that I have been rejected by every publisher in the developed world. The final ‘no!’ came through just in time for my forthieth birthday - wasn’t a happy occassion as a result I can tell you. Had planned to have a party, but knew that I would just end up getting very drunk and bitter and weeping uncontrollably in a corner!
Hey, you keep going with your novel - you’re writing is very pithy and funny and, most importantly of all, warm and likeable. Good luck with everything!
Angie
Failed Writer-but-not-giving-up-yet
Mother of stinky teenagers and young ones too
Owner of horrifically smelly terrier
Londinium
Kittie and Kat … you’ve just go to love the unconscious process and how word association football works. “This is a technique out a living much used in the practice makes perfect of psychoanalysister and brother and one that has occupied piper the majority rule of my attention squad by the right number one two three four the last five years to the memory.”
As Monty Python noted.
On the plus side, they’ll know what they’re getting.
LOL. Kittie and Kat. Still chuckling now.
JJx
Lane, I can’t bear it! Maybe I’ll invent a ‘Chunky’ character and try for sponsorship…
Angie, how lovely that you’ve leapt out from the shadows! Ugh, a rejection for your 40th really sucks. I’m so sorry
We must be mad, mustn’t we, toiling away all this time. Still, it’s better than talking to the kids…
Bobo, that took me ages to decipher but is very funny. Reminds me of The Two Ronnies. I like Silly.
JJ - Aaaaaarghhhh. Sigh. Pass the wine.
Oh, Jen, I am crying. Crying, I say.
Thank God for find-and-replace!
Oh Leigh, I’m traumatised. I’ve find and replaced her and Kittie’s now a Florrie which will never do. I just couldn’t bear seeing the whole Kit Kat thing as I typed the chapters with them in together
You do make me smile you know!
Perhaps you need to take a break.
Oh my … oh my …
Kittie and Kat …
I am trying really really hard not to laugh.
Honest.
I love Kittie and Kat. You should keep them.
My moggy, Smudge, wants to know what’s wrong with giving all your characters feline names!
I’m so glad it was Kittie you changed, because you still have an opportunity for someone to say “Go, Kat!”
Ahhhh-ha-ha-ha!
Jen as always I must remember to put my coffee down before I read your blog. I love Kittie and Kat. It wasn’t until the end of writing the 1st draft of a Cornish House that I realized the main characters were called Madde and Serena……but I’m not changing them
Just to add to your day, I’ve tagged you - sorry!
Nez - grrrrrrrrrrrr. I’m giving myself two fingers!
Caroline - It’s ok for you. You is a proper writer. I is a wally.
Helen - I actually love both the names, they really suit the characters. But… ugh. Sigh.
Helenmh - Good old Smudge. I bet she’s ‘feline’ great after that comment…
Leigh - Oh, please, nooooooooooooo
Liz - it’s torture, this writing lark, isn’t it? Ooh, a tag, yay… saved from my fevered renaming… ta!
Early on in my own blogging nonsense, I mentioned a work colleague who’d dissed my writing as “girly rubbish.” Then I told everyone at work about my blog, in a random fit of showing off, and handed out the address willy-nilly. Suddenly remembered some unkind comments I’d made about the aforementioned colleague and had rush off and delete the post, before she saw it. God knows who I thought I was kidding. None of them were remotely interested in looking at my writerly diarrhoea in the first place (sobs bitter tears).
In one novel I had an Alex and Alexander (one was the grandfather of the other) and then decided to change Alex automatically to Ken and ended up half way through with a character called Kenander!!!!! It’s all too much sometimes, my brain just can’t keep up.
Kitty and Kat, still laughing now, very funny. Still, could have been worse. They could have been Curly and Wurly or Fran and Annie or any other much sillier combination. Kitty and Kat do take some beating though. How hard it must be to write, with chocolate on your mind lol lol.
H
xxxx
Excellent - you’re doing great. And as for K&K - this is what editors are for (or if you’re really desperate, +F).
Yes but look at your word counter going up like an enthusiastically climbing thing! You’re nearly there - go, Kat, go!!! (er I mean Jen)
Karen, that’ll teach us to be indiscreet, won’t it? My blog’s always getting me into trouble. It’s horrid when people aren’t interested in our fascinating rambling, though, isn’t it?
Debs - ugh, if only our ‘puters were as clever as us, eh?
Hullaballoo - I can hear the conversation with the agent now: ‘Yes, I started off with art as the framework but then just decided to name all the characters after pets and/or chocolate.’
Hedgewizard - where are these editors of whom you speak? Sigh…
Zinnia -I am no Kat. I am a writing tiger. Raaaaaah.
Were you craving a kit kat when you wrote that by any chance?
Oh lordy - this did make me laugh!! (aherm sorry - am sending writerly supportive vibes over to you (through my sniggers!!)
C x
I nearly gave out my blog address to coworkers too, but luckily thought better of it just in time!
I love Kitty and Kat. haha. And look at that fabulous wordcounter above 90%! I’ll give you a woo and a hoo.
I have also tagged you over at mine.
-The other Angie xx
Hope you don’t mind but you are my first ever MeMe tagee, details over at my blog (its OK its quite a short one!)
Oh just go for it - or be really brave and swap the K’s for Tw’s.
Can’t do the meme. I am not clever enough/too old/ to concentrate for so long.
Lots of love.
Fiona
http://www.tree-hugging-hippie.com
Carol - I despair of myself, I really do! Thanks for the +ve vibes…
Angie - I think anonymous is definitely the way to go. But, on the other hand, I may as well be in trouble for my blog as anything worse!
Sarah - Ooh, I am honoured… thanks!
Beta Mum - Oh, Cathy, you have my sympathies. I do, however, think that you should go to your office in circus performer clothes. I’m thinking sequins and spangle every day. Bliss. Then I can have your cast-offs for when someone finally wants to employ me
Fiona - you know what? I am quite tempted. Good ole Jilly Cooper had a ‘Tab’ and ‘Tag’ in one novel. The characters just made a joke out of it, which I’m tempted to do. Don’t blame you re the meme. It took about three weeks to do. There again, I do waffle…