Of Uppity Updates April 30, 2008
Posted by Jen in : Domestic Doings , trackbackHere I am, all polished and shiny as I settle into middle class suburbia. Gawd. I have been wearing my cross face rather a lot since Saturday, practising my range of swear words and generally being quite scary.
This morning, however, I woke up full of beans. Well, not actually ‘full of beans’, because I don’t really care for bean-related foodstuffs but you know what I mean.
I wandered down the stairs at 5.45, thinking about Extra-Strong Tetleys and perhaps a pre-work jaunt with the faithful canine. In the kitchen, a mountain of gross, greasy dishes peered lazily at me and I said a few more swear words. I said them quietly, of course. I live in a cul de sac now, you know.
So. Broken down dishwasher. Bugger. But things could be worse, I thought. Oh, hang on. I didn’t think it, I manifested it. Mwah ha ha ha, said the tap. I’ll run, run, as fast as I can. You can’t stop me, I’m the cul de sac tap. The water spurted and spattered. Then the dishes carefully unpacked and put away in the under-sink cupboard began to float away as H2o burst from every available pin prick of piping.
‘Gosh,’ I thought in a middle class sort of way. ‘How terribly inconvenient.’
I didn’t really think that. I thought something that rhymes with (bourgeois) frolics and begins with a ‘b’. I even said it out loud with my mouth. Quietly though, just in case.
I emailed Landlord. At 6am. When he called me back at 7 I grabbed at the biro to scribble down the emergency plumbing number. The biro I grabbed was having some sort of fit, oozing a tar-like substance all over my hands. No, I’ve no idea how I got it all over my face either. But the black and white minstrels look is still very popular in the more rural parts of Sussex so that’s good.
Yes, it’s all going swimmingly, thanks very much for asking.
Comments»
Oh dear - much empathy on the plumbing related disasters!
Oh b@ll@x Jen that’s nasty. Hope you’re landlord sorts it out soon. Love the cartoon!
I don’t like beans either.
Sorry that wasn’t the point of the post was it??
I have a friend called Jenny who just had a flood in her kitchen. I don’t think you are her but I was a little spooked there for a mo!
Hope the tap situation is now fixed!
Bloody hell!! Water related disasters already……at least you are getting all the problems out the way nice and early
C x
Helen - It never rains but it pours (mostly in the cupboards…)
Yvonne - Hopefully it should all be sorted today. I truly will not be responsible for my actions if I have to wash another dish!
B - Ugh, beans. I won’t start going on about how they’re like eating little hamsters’ feet again… Ooh, maybe I am two people?
Carol - The house had been empty for 9 months so I guess things had just seized up? I’m the same if I sit in a chair for more than half an hour…
My biros do that too, all over my client notes, all over my bag, all over my hands.
Sounds like a good landlord to have rung you back at 7am. Hoping suburbia is not too stultifying.
H
xx
Lots and lots of material for you there. If a double strong Tetleys doesn’t do it you might need a glass of wine! Yes, I know it’s the morning…
JJx
You sound remarkably calm after big move and water disaster and I’m very impressed with your Cul de Sac quiet swearing:-)
Have you seen ‘Her’ yet?
Is there an emergency plumber for leaking biros?
I’m fond of beans meself, though perhpas not in the morning. Hope it’s all fixed up now, do tell us more of life in suburbia…
Oh dear. At least you’ve got a landlord you can phone up. I wish we had one, at the moment.
It would be handy if every house kept a set of flippers in the under-sink cupboard for moments like this.
Oh no! Things like that aren’t supposed to happen in a cul-de-sac!!
I bet it was that Evil Ex-Friend of yours, sabotaging the joint…
Hullaballooooo - he’s a good egg and actually a friend of mine. If I have to clean my teeth with a duster every morning, though, I might go off him pdq!
JJ - wine for breakfast, hmmm. Should I confess here that lovely bf and me did actually swig the remains of a bottle, straight from the bottle, on moving day, rather than throw it away?!?!
Lane - I have seen ‘her’. And she saw me. Judging by her reaction, however, I must have been wearing my invisibility cloak.
Lucy - Ah, if only I’d thought of the leaking biro hotline. We’re not fixed up but we do have water. Just a bit too much of it.
Karen - Snorkeling in the Kitchen. Another fab book title
Lucy D - oh! I hadn’t thought that she’d have sneaked in and fiddled with the plumbing. The cunning cow. The Cul de Sac will hear about this…
Now Spiral honey, I hope you’re life is going to start coming over all Terry and June just because you live in the bottom of a bag.
Heavens, you’ll have the Vicar round next just as b/f’s trousers accidentally fall down. And EEF (Evil Ex Friend) will sabotage your privet hedge creations.
I am hugely impressed that you could lay your hands on a biro at 7am as they all seem to have gone to biro heaven when I look for own. Your biro sounded like it might be almost there though.
Dishwashers are so important aren’t they? I feel all shaky at the thought of mine breaking down again. And then there’s all that cold grey bitty water everywhere that you have to soak up with towels and dressing gowns…
Well I expect it’s all fixed by now. Hope so! Unfortunately I don’t have a dishwasher but I do have a little man who mostly takes care of that kind of thing and it is truely awful when he’s out of action
hi sis, happy birthday and congrats on the new house (i think). sx
Bobo - crumbs, you have truly had a vision of the future. Maybe I’ll have a little cry now.
Fiona - I really can’t even be bothered to cook properly when I have to wash all the millions of pots and pans and plates and other things beginning with ‘p’. I will have died of scurvy before the ruddy things replaced.
Breezy - Nope. Not fixed. Can’t you tell by my frowny face? I might have to get a little man in. He won’t need to be in action, I’ll just shout at him until I feel better…
Sissy - Ooh, thank you. I don’t think I’m mentally equipped to start my last year of being in my 30s. Sigh. X
Blimey - I only pop out for a moment, and when I come back Jen’s gone all cul de sac, quiet swearing and Margot and Gerry on me. I am wearing my bewildered face (yeah, I know…what’s new!)
Hope the plumbing is sorted by now - I’m trying not to think about it being a Bank Holiday weekend.
Mya x
hmm i smell a novel, three sisters united for a pre 40s undefined reunion..last chance while we are all in our 30s. it’s a landmark. we should get together at my place. within the next 364 days..sx
gosh, that seemed like such a bad idea when i woke up this morning. lol. sx
Mya - Birthday Bank Hol washing dishes, grrrrrr. But hey ho. I have wine and the sun’s shining. All’s right with the world (except in the kitchen).
Sis - Hurrah! Ageing Adolescents in Amsterdam.
Sis - Ah, alcohol has a lot to answer for. Could be good though. Could be a misery fest too. Eep.
Tee hee, this is funny. I particularly like the diagram. But I am intrigued by your opposite-door neighbour. Have you seen her yet? Any awkward but hilarious conversations?
my place is way better than amsterdam! yes, alcohol can do that, but there would be alcohol involved so it could be fun. i actually really like the idea and i have room (if Rich moves out lol). meet in amsterdam, c drives us up here (couple hours)…we eat drink and be nutjobs. we have a home made karaoke set-up using youtube, lol.
sx
Clare - I saw the opposite-door neighbour but she could not see me, even when I did my special smile and ‘who’d have thought it?’ smile. I am invisible which will lead to all sorts of naughty posts.
Sis - sounds like a party I should put my name down for. Pick a date; I’m there! XXX
‘You can’t stop me, I’m the cul de sac tap’ - hahahahaha!!!