Of Being a Bit Bitchy July 20, 2008
Posted by Jen in : Journal , 87 commentsOne of the things I’m guilty of is impressing upon people that nothing much happens on this patch of the world I call home. Last week, however, in the small market town where I work, there was excitement afoot. There were rumbles, rumours and billboards to convey the impending event.
The local Co-op has been refurbished. On Thursday, there was an official opening. You know, one of those swanky openings that have a superstar celebrity. Sadly, the Co-op being the Co-op, Jude Law was mysteriously unavailable so they got they next best thing: Keith Chegwin. Gawd. I don’t know who was more desperate, Cheggers or the Co-op.
Music burst through my office window as the off-duty local deejay shouted into his microphone at the collection of local primary school children and smattering of dusty old dears.
‘Let’s make some noize,’ he yelled at their bewildered faces.
The music was pumping as the posse of pensioners body-popped through gritted dentures to Steps and the Macarena. Cheggers appeared just in time to count down excitedly to the 10am opening. I could hear him smiling inanely through my window but, no matter how hard I watched, I didn’t spot his limo. I think he may have come on the bus?
Once the automatic doors were opened, the marauding grannies flooded in, one at a time. The Co-op had been shut for three days, you see, and they’d run out of Rich Tea and Stork margarine.
Cheggers gamely tried a bit of pork pie* before checking he had his bus pass and shuffling off home.
I actually felt a bit sorry for old Keith. Oh, hang on, no I didn’t. Sorry about that.
* I made this bit up. I am quite sad. The body-popping pensioners rocked though. Hip displacement as entertainment. Mesmerising. It’ll be on Britain’s Got Talent before you know it. **
** You know I’m just joking, right? Being nice can be terribly dull sometimes.
***** Edited to say: please do read the comments. They are far better than this post. Thankyouverymuch.
