Almost August (and Associated Angst) July 31, 2008
Posted by Jen in : Journal, Novel , trackbackCor blimey. Another month drawing to a close already? In this stamp-sized square of Sussex, it’s oh-so-quiet. My gruesome twosome are away in Barcelona for two weeks and, as each day passes, I miss them a little more.
Lovely bf displays his repertoire of eye-rolling and sighing as reality slips past me unnoticed and I start thinking of my babies as adorable, apple-cheeked Victorian children, huddled round the Aga with flour on their noses waiting for our homebaked goodies to cook. After five days away, they are no longer stinking grunting beasts at all.
In other news, instead of homebaked goodies, I have been devouring Sol Stein’s Solutions for Writers. Of course, with the RNA New Writers Scheme thingummy looming in just under four weeks, I’m wondering why I didn’t read this sooner. The more I learn, the more I realise I don’t know. And I’ve stopped being all parental about The Novel. I can already see which bits are crap. Sadly, it’s most of the bits. The Novel is my child, being sent out into the world for the first time. It won’t be admired or loved. Not only is it the pasty kid who whines, it has greasy hair, sticky-out ears and picks its nose in public. I may just be a little embarrassed about it. How to turn it, in four weeks, into a rosy-cheeked Eton candidate with a spiffing hairdo?
In jolly news, the latest diet is going very well, thank you for asking. I have lost almost a stone which means my fat clothes trail along forlornly behind me, rather giving me the look of Dawn French’s trailer trash sister. I am having to sneak into work in jeans every day. It’s that or my pyjamas. Luckily, lovely as he is, I doubt my boss would notice if I went to work dressed as a pantomime horse so long as I do the work and try not to talk too much.
So. Let’s sum up shall we? Is all v quiet with only delusions of having nice children to keep me sane. Have gone off The Novel which used up a year of my pitiful existence to write. Resemble a noisy jumble sale.
Is this the life I ordered? No, I think you will find it is not.
Comments»
You don’t seriously believe that you get the life you ordered, do you? Oh, you poor, deluded fool …
Send The Novel to Barcelona for 2 weeks too?
You do make me chuckle!
I’m in the harrowing space of the ‘final’ edit of my novel. I am horrified beyond words that what I thought was a good book months ago was actually overwritten and fragmented. I’ve edited, pared down, re-written it to within an inch of its life. But do I love it? Depends on the day of the week. Today I love it and think its brilliant. Ask me tomorrow.
Ohhhhhh SpiralSkies honey, you never said your novel was Romantic! Oh how my bosom heaves and yet my manly frame stands granite-like on the lip of the precipitous cliff in the gale.
Or perhaps you did say and I just wasn’t paying attention, like the careless brute whose heart could be melted, if only the right funky psychotherapist crazy bird hottie would come into my life.
What a great choice. The world needs more romance, and happy ever afters, and even sneak previews at what happens after the happy ever afters.
BTW, Hulla was given a Paulo Coelho book for her BDay and I noticed I would be a lookalikey for him, if you squint. (Just noticed him in your recent books list)
I have no wise writerly words so I’m going to say congratulations on losing a stone!! That is utterly utterly brilliant…..and you know what else is utterly brilliant???…..I’ve lost a stone too!!! Yay to thin things (Ok, I’ve got a bit to go before I can be classed as a thin thing but hey….I’m being positive!!)
C x
Yay congrats on losing a stone! I got all down in the dumps too after I read Sol Stein’s book, as I realised 99% of my novel was pants, but it passes. Honest. And you’ll do a brilliant job with your rewrite.
I love your blog! Soooooooo, glad I found it. :-))
Well done losing a stone … and don’t be too hard on your novel, it doesn’t mean to be naughty!
Put down writing pen/turn off computer (What!!?). Grab pair of baggy jogging pants, coloured wellies, warm hat and coat. Pick up your camera and go for long walk in woods (don’t get lost mind, take compass) and take loads of fantastic photographs. Fresh air clears head and helps you to look at book from a new angle. Of course, chances are I’m talking a load of crap! Proof is in the pudding so they say. But do we trust THEY?
TFX
Clever clever Spiral, with a novel and a stone lost! I am all eaten up with envy.
(Didn’t mean to say it was a dreadful tragic comedown for Cheggers to guest on your blog btw, I think it was an honour for him - I gave you an award for it over at mine anyway. I don’t really do awards but I did for you…)
Thursday - Is that not how it works then? Oh. Bum.
Pacha - Send the novel to Borstal while I whoop it up in the Caribbean more like.
Fionnuala - It’s absolute bloomin torture, isn’t it? We must be quite mental.
Bobo - not that sort of romantic! Eurgh. But it has blokes and birds and a hint of naked wriggling so that counts as romance to me! Am squinting now. Yes, you are Paul Coelho. Ahem.
Carol - We are the amazing shrinking ladies! That deserves a party, don’t you think?
Yvonne - I’m just not sure any more. And I’ve only got 3 and a bit weeks to beat it into shape. Aaaarrrgh. I need to give up work again.
Annie - Aw, thank you. I’m glad we found each other… group blog hug? Mmmmmm. Nice. I think it is being deliberately naughty. Attention seeking. What a thought.
TF - Warm hat and coat? Man! Which part of the igloo world are you in? THEY are in our heads you know. They can see our wellie thoughts whenever they please. THEY say lie down, drink a bit of wine, forget about the bastard novel. Ooh, fickle aren’t THEY?
Lucy - Eaten up? Eaten up? Who mentioned food? Thank you for the award… I did see it but got all sidetracked exploring the gorgeous links and forgot to come back to say ‘ta’. Um, ta. ‘Twas most lovely of you. Mwah.
Hi
I saw your comment about your cork board on Annie’s blog; I love finding houses, furniture, clothes etc for all my characters. The great thing is while I’m making a map/model village or scrap book, ideas flow and I feel as if I’m writing and not playing.
Good luck with your novel - the NWS readers have a deservedly good reputation for their helpful crits.
“blokes and birds and a hint of naked wriggling” … oh, you mean a dirty book. Oh well, I’m as broadminded as the next psycho . Wriggle away. I’m off to do a bit of wriggling myself, well, not by myself, obviously.
That was obviously, right?
Hope the novel stops attention seeking and starts behaving itself soon. Naughty novel!
At least your novel’s not a sullen teen, sticking two fingers up to society before gallivanting off to India for a year. It can be Moulded. Be Supernanny and sit it on the naughty step for ten minutes. It’ll be grand.
Well done on losing a stone. I think it’s found it’s way over to mine so thanks for that, Mrs Chegwin.
(I love all my children best when they’re asleep.)
Pat - hello there! Don’t you think it’s the best way to get to know your characters? It is sort of playing but it’s kind of like method acting, don’t you think? Ta for the luck. Boy, do I need it!
Bobo - Aaarrrghh. Noooooooo! Not a dirty book. And as for solo wriggling… perhaps just a smidge to much info, old boy?
Helen - Very naughty indeed. Still, at least it hasn’t had its personality stamped out of it. Perhaps it’s a late developer?
Karen - LOL @ Mrs Chegwin! I laughed when I saw that on your blog too. Har. Supernannied into Submission. This week’s kinky novel title, especially for Bobo! (I love everyone best when I’m asleep.)
I tried to return my life because it’s broken but they said it’s out of guarantee. Typical.
One whole stone?? Go Jen!
Thanks for the link, I’m going to have a look as I need all the help I can get.
Well done losing a stone, I unfortunately still look like Dawn French’s twin but if I will insist on stuffing my little rounder and rounder face with chocolate and toast what can I expect.
I have to agree that TD is the world’s loveliest child when asleep but occasionally grim when awake. I’d like to say she was an apple cheeked darling (and she was) but she had she her moments then as well. Looking back, I wonder if it was a sign.
If you’re reading this, husband, NO MORE CHILDREN!
A party with lots of booze, Indian food and chocolate……lots of chocolate!!!
C x
Oh, Lane! It’s true there are never any guarantees in life but yours is far from broken. And as for the ‘go Jen’, I’ve broken my knees and my Achilles tendon has gone all big and lumpy and poky-out. So I’m kind of not going far far or fast right now. Had better get on with the editing in that case, eh?
Debs - I can’t recommend it highly enough. Definitely the best and most absorbable book on writing/editing I’ve got. I know Yvonne rates it highly too. Mmmm. Toast. Oh dear, you’ve set off a craving now. Pass the marmalade.
Tam - Funny how they change, isn’t it? I hadn’t thought of my blog of nonsense as a contraceptive before!
Carol - Oh yes, now you’re talking. Bring it on!
I had that experience with Sol Stein too, so I feel your pain. But stopping being parental is definitely progress.
You’ve lost a stone? Have you looked down the back of the sofa?
Hiya
I said on mine I kept being aborted from yours (ouch)!
Glad to see normal service is resumed.
Hope you’re enjoying your reading weekend
I’ve nearly finished Over You; it’s great and I don’t want it to end.
Zinnia - Pfffff. Sol Stein has made me shake my head in despair at some of the total tripe sitting on my bookshelf. If people want to print piffle, the should jolly well print mine. Grrrr. And ouf, as the French say. Bilingual moaning. Hurrah. Now where’s the low-cal booze?
Pat - Ouch indeed. Internet Explorer is a rotter. Firefox is its cooler rival. Really, give it a go! Ugh, don’t talk about ‘Over You’. Have a day’s brainstorming to do before I treat myself to a bath and book. Will be the smelliest person in the universe at this rate.
Oh, but brainstorming is fun. Am doing a spot of it myself today (in between visiting blogs, that is)!
I got a ‘here’s one I made earlier’ model village out - pictures on my blog - to find out more about a new character who was born with a bit of a story but not quite enough.
I wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to set about finding or using Firefox instead of Internet Explorer. To be honest, I don’t even know how IE actually works, it’s just there on my computer and goes its own way with no help from me.
Hope you’ve brained up a storm by the time you read this.
Blogger is a great big bum.
It won’t let me comment and has been awkward for over a week now.
Grrrr, bet it doesn’t let this one through either.
Huff.
Oh, it has. Woooooohooooo!
I had so much to say about Cheggersgate but the moment has passed now.
Never mind, at least I am back through the iron curtain that is blogger.
Have a good day.
xxxxxxxxxxx
Good luck with the RNA, Jen. My baby’s gone on its merry way! I’m sure you novel isn’t as crap as you say, but I know that feeling of looking at it with a completely different eye, knowing it’s about to make its way in the big wide world. Scary!
I started to write the next section of the novel I started for my ECA just before we went to Paris. When I opened it up again and started rereading the beginning I was horrified at how bad it was. HORRIFIED I tells ya.
Now it helped get me a distinction? Loving it rather more than before. Think it really might be worth going back to
The point being, don’t write it off. You can do it. Just do all the polishing you can in the time available. Will be fine, honest.
I still can’t get over the fact I got a distinction. How the bejeeeesusing hell did that happen?????????????
Pat - brainstorming IS good, addictive too. Sadly, my brain got caught in a storm and has apparently been washed away. And as for Firefox and browser-type stuff, you could do what I did: get a live-in, toy-boy geek. He puts the bins out to, you know.
Hullabeeeeee - Oh, how very super to have you back in blogland. Must update my blogroll now that you both have a new home, as it were.
Maddie - It’s horrible, isn’t it? No matter what I do, I know that it’s going to be pulled apart and picked at and possibly puked upon. (Sorry about that. Ran out of ‘p’ words.) It’s the nature of a critique that the meanies will be critical. Lots of luck to you too… shall we compare notes when the day of doom has come to us both?
B - You got a distinction because you are most super-duper in the writerly department. Or it might be a mistake of course. Har. x
I want clothes that trail behind me and I want them now!
I love noisy jumble sales, they’re among my favorite places to be :o)
All novels seem crap at some point, even the great ones (she says from no point of expertise at all, but knowing that hers seems crap a lot of the time). Good luck with you RNA critique, wish there was a similar service for ‘novels that don’t fit into any particular category and will therefore probably never be published’.
Well done on losing a stone ~ you must be MADE of willpower!!
Ps: What time will Cheggers be here this week
Oh, the rosy-cheeked cherubs - yeah, mine turn into that too, while they sleep, peacefully, of an evening. I sneak in to kiss them goodnight as I go to bed, and have a silent little weep about the inevitability of them growing up.
Two hours later, when someone wakes up screaming ‘I want a drink/I’m hungry/I need the loo/I lost my dolly/My head feels buzzy/I feel sick/I’ve been sick’ those silent tears are sucked back into their ducts pronto.
But, aaaaahhhh, they are particularly cute when they’re asleep/away, aren’t they?
Herhimnbryn - Would you like to share mine? I’m not sure they’d be quite so traily with both of us crammed in, mind.
Jumbly - So, to hijack your equation here, our novels are crap and therefore great. Yep, I’m crap at algebra but rather loving that one.
Kate - made of sheer bloody-mindedness more like. And as for Cheggers… I’ve kind of abandoned all responsibility for it. The final comments on that post are mad - clever, nutty people. Just wish I could claim the credit really.
Leigh - Cherubs when asleep or abroad. Yep, that sums it up beautifully.
Congratulations on the weight loss. Now if only some of your wonderful willpower would rub off on me…