Of Crappy Critiques September 10, 2008
Posted by Jen in : Novel , 46commentsHmmmmm. Now I thought that, when writing a critique, it was the polite thing to do to sandwich the misery between two pieces of nice. My RNA critique, which I received yesterday, began thusly:-
You’ve written a novel, well done! Sadly, it’s crap.
Ok, I’m paraphrasing but, actually, not that much. Mrs Crit does say that I ‘have the ability to write’ though I suspect, having digested the rest of her words, that she means it’s surprising that someone like me has opposable thumbs and can actually hold a pen. Pfffff.
Here you go, have some lowlights:
Your plot does not work. This is because your characters do not work.
You classified your story as Romantic Comedy but where was the romance and comedy?
Two characters in first-person does not work for a reader: I have never come across a published novel where two principal characters are first-person.
You get the gist. She even told me that a man in his fifties would not wear a paisley scarf! Yes he would!! And I was slated for not using exclamation marks!!! Oddly, every book on writing I’ve ever seen has said that exclamation marks were pretty much forbidden. Bloody Nora.
So. One character was too bitchy and the other a stereotype who should have a bit of ‘gumption’. And the third should not be ‘officially sick of thinking’ but ‘heartily sick’. Heartily? Did I write the novel in the 1950s? Good grief. How can a literary critique complain about a scarf?
Please rest assured, dear reader, that as Mrs Crit is no doubt sharpening her teeth, ready for the shredding of someone else’s words, I am a little bit hungover. And a failure. And not funny.
Oh, woe is me. And bugger. And other swear words.
