Of Indecisive Idiocy September 17, 2008
Posted by Jen in : Journal , trackbackSo I’m sitting here, looking at the blank page. My head is empty: no thoughts, no inspiration, no urges to carry me forward with a burst of ‘oh yes!’. This is most unlike me. I usually have loads to say. Very loads, in fact.
I need to start writing again – I feel liberated from The Novel and am neither disheartened nor joyful. It’s there, waiting, fermenting. Or festering. Whatever. I can dig it out, give it a dose of antibiotics and hey presto, it’ll be a work in progress again. I have the bare bones of an idea for Novel 2 which I intend to work on as part of the OU course A363. Or not. I’ve also had an idea for a short story which initially seemed quirky and twisty and unusual. Yeah! I thought briefly. My imagination is beginning to fizzle with new ideas. But then the thought burnt out entirely. What if it’s simply banal, nonsensical? Why had a story inspired by a memory of Rentaghost seemed a good idea at all? Perhaps the crappy critique has found me out?
What I need to do is read. Read, read, read. But, actually, I don’t know what to read. I’m bored with chicklit. There’s nothing wrong with it. It just doesn’t satisfy or entertain me the way it did. I don’t want to read it and I don’t want to write it. But I might not be good enough to write anything meatier. I haven’t read a ‘proper’ book for such a long time, I’m almost afraid to see if I can still do it.
I feel adrift somehow. At a crossroads where all roads lead somewhere either scary or duff. But I haven’t time to find my bearings – only 3 weeks until the writing course starts which really isn’t long enough to seek out my emotional compass.
Oh, flippin ‘eck. Who am I again?
Comments»
A story based on Rentaghost? I would definitely want to read that! I also had a fondness for The Ghosts of Motley Hall but no-one else I know remembers that one. Seriously though - write anything. Expand on your shopping list if you need to. The words will come.
When I’m stuck for writing ideas, I just turn to my “scratchpad” and write any old rubbish - the first thing that comes to mind. I think it’s important to keep practising, even if it’s not related to the main WIP.
It sounds like you need to consider breaking out from the chick-lit genre. I’ve read a fair amount of that recently and, like you, am beginning to find it too predictable and constrained. The only thing that makes a good one (for me) is when it is laced with humour.
Talking of genre-busting, there’s an exercise going on at Cloud Line that strives to do just that. See The Genre Matrix for details. Why not join in?
You have such a quirky imagination and writing style, I too would love to read a story based on Rentaghost (now I have the theme tune in my head). It is hard, confidence wise to pick yourself up after having a knock and the doubts come flooding in (I know, they are banging away in my head at the moment). But you can do this, we can do this. You are one of my writers to watch out for in the future. x
I’m looking into my crystal ball and I see a tall building in a town near you that is full to the brim with books, books and books. It be called a library. Enter that said place go to fiction area and pick five books - (not those “flick” ones mind) Go for something quirky - push yourself out of your comfort zone. Go home sit on comfy chair and read, read, read. This therapy will give you inspiration m’dear. Trust me
TFx
Your ennui sounds par for the course - no pun intended. I go through the same rituals of mental self flagellation, so much so, I am thinking of buying vestments to accompany them. I have to come recognise that this form of self-doubt is part of the writing process.
And rather than read, read, read, I would recommend write, write, write, even if it seems rubbish something will emerge.
I too would read a book on Rentaghost!! I think your crit has hit you harder than you think and has left a dent in your confidence….if you think it’s funny then trust your instincts!! You have a huge blog following and you have that for a reason…….
New reading material…..I’m going to suggest a book….you will either love it or loathe it (there is no in-between….bit like Marmite really!!)….it’s called Geek Love and it’’s by Katherine Dunn. I have never read anything like it so if your looking for something completely different….well….give it a whirl.
C x
You have a great writing talent - go with your instincts! And don’t let that crit get under your skin!
I think we all go through little patches of losing direction - you’ll see which way to go soon enough! Good luck! x
I think Carol’s right and this is the aftershock of that damn crit.
As for reading, I find short stories great at times like this. Satisfying, sometimes inspirational and yes …short, giving you plenty of time to scribble down notes for Novel 2, muse, ponder, daydream, write poems, flash fiction - whatever.
Which also brings me too Captain Black’s suggestion. Come and join us at Cloud Line. We need new blood. No pressure or nuffink:-)
What about a biography or two - try Wild Mary??? Remember to write - even if its just the grocery list
Jen, your post is almost a mirror image of mine - not knowing which idea to work on, being at those crossroads etc etc plus I didn’t actually feel like writing anyway (probably because of all those reasons).
Comfort reading - re-reading old favourites for pleasure and not for analysing - was nice for a while. Then I spent a couple of days doing stuff unrelated to writing or reading. After that the ‘despair’ crept back; the need to write… BUT what, how, why, what’s the point?
It stinks, it hurts but, honest, in the end, you start to overcome all that.
Pop over to mine and see if you fancy doing what I did. It has broken a little bit of ice, I did write 200+ words this morning. Pathetic number, really, but better than nothing.
Good luck and don’t bash yourself to a pulp like I almost did.
xPat
Wow, I recognise that book cover in your sidebar! Thanks for that. I do sympathise hugely with the lack of inspiration/readiness to write. It happens. Best to go away and do other things. I hope, if you’re still reading Being Normal, it might help, even just to make you realise you can write something much better!
Three weeks to the writing course? I always find desperation provides inspiration. Try setting yourself a deadline to have something completed before then. The Rentaghost story sounds like a great idea. Would it please you to write it? Then write it. I and others on here would love to read it.
Good luck
No look here. Get your arse back in front of the laptop and write. Stop thinking about writing or not writing, just write. You do it SO well, it is a sin not to. There!
If you’re looking for a good non chick lit book try A Thousand Spledid Suns or the Kite Runner - both brilliant and by the same author.Fx
I think A363 will shock us into writing ( at least I hope so!)
My novel had stalled due to family issues so I am hoping to start it again and work on it during the course with that ECA in mind..
As for reading, how about writers like Maggie O’Farrell, Anita Shreve, Anne Tyler, Alice Hoffman and more…women’s fiction, yes, but meatier than chick lit without being dry and boring.
See you on first class soon?
Cx
Try Jane Fallon’s “Got you Back.” Dark chicklit. Liked it v. much. It’s re-inspired me if that’s a proper word, which I doubt. Not quite Rentaghost though. I like the sound of that - give it a go (she said rather bossily). Bluddy crits. They need a kick up the bum.
You could try writing something totally different. A poem, a non fiction piece, a memoir, anything really different from what you usually do. If you really really don’t want to then give yourself a writing break until the course starts and read instead. Again, read something different. Have you read the latest Kate Atkinson? The Jasper Fforde Thursday Next series? The Dirk Gently books? And what about all those Agatha Christies you’ve never read? Act like a child let loose in a sweetie shop and nourish your soul. You will get past this and put that detructive crit behind you, but you need to be kind to yourself in the meantime xxx We all have faith in you.
Hi Jen
I am at a dry patch and I am only a very novice writer. I am going to look at life and see what I can draw from it and re create. I am now at 5000 words but the story could go anywhere. Keep going old girl and you will get there. I have faith in you and haveing read your taster, I am sure your critic is absolutely bonkers and doesn’t know anything. Keep riting (sod the spelling) and you will come good in the end. An “”"”"”"”" anything you want to!!!!!!!
I want to read the rentaghost story!
there is a girl in work whose surname is claypole. and her firstname begins with t. makes me chuckle every time i think about her name!
less than three weeks til the course starts, you know! two weeks and 3 days. i’m half excited, half terrified.
Jen, I feel for you. Feeling a bit empty is understandable and it’s only temporary I think. Read read and more reading - I think you’re right. I loved To Kill a Mockingbird recently, as I’d not read it in school. It’s a classic but lots of enjoyment to be had in those there pages. Go and browse in the bookshops to see what you can find to tickle your fancy.
Loth - Ooh, hello! I’ve looked at your blog lots of times, how lovely to see you here. I’d forgotten about the Ghosts of Motley Hall until I googled it. Ah yes, those were the days.
Cap’n Black - Your genre busting doodah looks very good - I shall definitely have another look later and commit to something. Thanks for the prompt, as it were.
Helen - Hmmmm… for ‘quirky’ read ’spazzy’. At least doing the course will force me to write. And thank you for that last bit. Can’t quite bring myself to re-type it but (oh! damn hormones!) has set me off a-blubbering a bit.
TF - I’m ashamed to confess that I’m not even a member of a library. Which is daft, because it’s one of the only things we do have in Heathfield other than the Cheggers-tastic Co-op! Good thinking Batman.
DOT - read, read, read or write, write, write… the luxury, of course, would be the time to do both. You’re right though, self-doubt must be the worst thing we gain as writers.
Carol - That booked looked crazy! Needless to say, I ordered it immediately. I guess this is a hangover from the crit - I just see the words ‘nothing to make me smile let alone laugh out loud’ every time I think of putting pen to paper. I’m not too keen on this whole whinging thing either though. Aaaaarrgh. Bring on the Geek Love.
Annie - It’s like being in a sweet shop. I don’t know what I want but, whichever I choose, I’ll end up fat and spotty and wish I’d gone for something else. Maybe I should stick to cheese?
Lane - I haven’t read short stories for ages but have Stephen Shieber’s Being Normal (up a bit on the sidebar) on the go at the mo which is deliciously different in a dark but enticing way. Will definitely come and play at Kev’s. Looks as if I’ll be in good company.
Liz - Biographies, that’s a good idea. I actually have a couple lurking on the bookshelf. Writing… yes. Maybe tomorrow.
Pat - that NEED to write is the thing, isn’t it? It’s like being slowly strangled from the inside. Needing to do it but fiercely resistant and scared and ugh. We really must be mad.
Stephen - Pleasure! It’s good to read some short stories - I never do understand why ‘they’ say it’s a dying breed. Perhaps it’s on the verge of a rebirth; I do hope so. You’re quite right: if I want to write the Rentaghost thing I should. I can always hide it if it’s great big pantaloons.
Fionnuala - Yes Miss! great recommendations there. I’m onto it. Luckily, I already have many of the books recommended, just not the oomph to get stuck in. I feel rather like a hairdresser who has suddenly decided to become a brain surgeon instead. Daunted by what I’ve been missing and wondering whether the clever part of my brain has sealed over. Daft eh?
Cathy - hello! God, yes, it really IS going to be a shock to the system isn’t it? Good book recommendations there - haven’t read anything by any of those writers. Will investigate forthwith. Cheers and, yes, see you on First Class! Eek!
Karen - Mmmmm, I like it when you’re bossy. Yum yum. Re-inspired is definitely a word. You wrote it down, so it must be. Otherwise it would be invisible? Will check out Jane Fallon. And join the library, just in case you tell me off again.
Helen - Wow, I can’t believe you remembered about the Agatha Christies! Brilliant! Am loving all these recommendations - and thanks for your nice words. Am wrapping myself up in them all, cocooned against crits.
Hayley - Blimey, 5,000 words! That’s amazing. Exciting that your story can go anywhere - it’s like being on a mystery tour with yourself at the steering wheel. Keep at it - I’m reet proud of you!
B - Two weeks and 3 days? 2 + 2 now, I suppose. Oh. My. God. Your Miss Claypole sounds very funny - she should get a pantomime horse for authenticity. 2+2!!! Aaaargh. Think terror’s winning here. Glad there’s a few of us ‘bloggies’ doing it together.
JJ - Browsing in bookshops dot com. Maybe I could just think of website titles in stead of stories? Oh, hang on, you technically thought of that. Bugger. Back to the books then.
Some inspiring books I’ve read this year:
Lottery by Patricia Wood
Run by Ann Patchett
The Road Home by Rose Tremain
All three are non-genre, well written and very readable (my favourite combination).
Whatever you do don’t give up writing, you have talent so don’t let that awful critter put you off. Enjoy your course, remember it’s because you want to do it, really you do!!!!!
Zinnia - “non-genre”? I like the sound of that. Plus it sounds as if we’re speaking French. Cool, will really have to joint the library. In fact, I shall make it my lunchtime mission.
Sheepish - The trouble is, you see, is that I want to do it very much. But I want to do it well. And if I’m going to be mediocre, I would rather jump on another bandwagon. Like crochet. Or chicken racing. Or, um, extreme courgette-worrying. Hmmmmm.
Extreme courgette-worrying? I’m ashamed of you, Jen. Those poor courgettes all have mothers, all fretting over how Courgette Junior is doing.
As for chicken racing, don’t go there. You think you can beat ‘em but they’re faster than they look.
Ahem. Don’t give up, you can do it, forget stupid crit woman (who clearly is an embittered old spinster who hasn’t had sex for forty years) and remember, you are the woman who pulled Cheggers by blog power alone. That has to stand for something, right?
Also on the “dark” chick lit front, might I suggest The Godmother by Carrie Adams? I absolutely loved it!
‘Joint the library’? I hope you’re going to blog about that. There should be more links between the butchering and literary worlds than just crap critique writers.
Tam - you are quite right - I am now thinking of sending Cheggers round to Spinster whereafter everyone will live happily ever after. Well they might not, of course. Mrs Crit will be too busy chasing courgettes and fretting about her nasal hair to pay much heed to Cheggers’ jolly japes. Oh dear.
Cat - Hello! And cheers - I am seriously going to read every one of these recommendations.
Zinnia - Oh, God, my typing is atrocious at the mo. Thank you for noticing
*goes off frowning, trying to think of a suitably clever rejoinder but pours a glass of wine instead*