The Will to Witter (Witlessly) October 9, 2008
Posted by Jen in : A363 Open University, Journal , trackbackOn this cloudless, motionless morning in East Sussex, I ask of you this, dear reader: do you perchance have a torch about your person?
I seem to have lost my words. Usually, I have too many words. They’re bursting out of me all the time, a fevered frenzy of communicative clamour. Real life seems a little unreal right now and this is feeding through to the writing I am doing for A363. I have wondered whether this slight madness has anything to do with my NHS-approved* self-medication of VodkaLemsip cocktails. When not slurping these up through a straw and alarming the neighbours with my impressive phlegm-expulsion techniques, I am writing crazy-fool stuff about Northern stand-up comedians who accidentally become vicars in tiny Spanish towns. And I have been thinking about Jesus a lot. Our Saviour. Riding up and down Heathfield High Street on a bicycle whilst wearing an orange beret. And what his mother would say about the whole thing. And I’m going to write about it and post it on the workshop forum and then regret it and have a little cry.
So. If you have seen my sensible words anywhere, do let me know as soon as possible. If not sooner. Ta very much.
* not quite true, actually
Comments»
I’m first again - scary.
You clearly haven’t lost the ability to alliterate. If the rest of your writing is like your blog, then people are going to laugh their heads off (’cause of the humour, not with derision). The “phlegm-expulsion” sentence made me LOL.
And after reading that bit about Jesus on a bicycle (Christ on a bike!), I think it’s now official: your are completely insane ;o)
Have more VodkaLemsip cocktails. I suggest also Benylin chasers for the phlegm expulsions. You know it makes sense.
Well you’ve managed to make me laugh and that’s one helluva feat today:)
I dunno, I kind of like your insensible words. More Phlegmsip cocktails for you.
I’m with Loth, sensible words are a tad over rated. So more self-medication, though go easy on the Lemsip part of the cocktail.
Or, why not just fall over and Be Ill, then you can wear the tee-shirt and brag about hating daytime telly, and no one will expect much from you.
Keep drinking ‘them’ cocktails, Jenn.
Methinks you’re taking us on a merry dance woman as you’re a natural born comedy writer.(Have you ever thought of submitting comedy sketches to Radio 4? If not, why not? ) Keep sucking up those cocktails, add a blob of icecream to them
TFx
I did see a sensible word today. It said ‘bill’. In fact I saw many of them. Best to stay away from sensible words as much as possible I think and stay within the warm fuzzy realms of ‘NHS approved’ medication. x
Are you sure that’s not Keith Chegwin on the bike?
I can’t get any words out at all. My forum is now so busy I’m actually scared to go on. Be careful what you wish for, eh?!
You do make me laugh. I too am phlegm challenged at the moment and find that nurofen and sauvignon does the trick. x
Hmmm, I think you might need to lay off the VodkaLemsip cocktails … just for a bit!
Ooh, I like the sound of Phlegmsip (so much more challenging to spell than the more commercial counterpart, too) and may have a binge on them this weekend.
Have you tried soluble aspirin and gin?
PS Don’t worry about the sensible words - they’re overrated. Try and fit ‘discombobulated’ into a sentence today and you’ll see what I mean.
Well your blog writing is in top form, Jen. As always! I think I may try those VodkaLemsip cocktails - you don’t have to be ill, right? x
Cap’n Black - Oh, Lord! I hadn’t made the Christ on a bike connection! D’oh. After the crappy novel critique, I decided to write more serious stuff. You can see where it’s got me!
Thursday - Benylin chasers! Wow, you’re my kind of girl!
Debs - Glad to be of service but sad you were having a crapsome day. Have a better Friday. Or candy floss.
Loth - Aw, fanks very much. Phlegmsip? That’s vee good. You should work in advertising (or maybe you do?). I love the way your mind makes such cool connections. Still smiling at the Calvin Klein ‘Genre’.
McBobo - Luckily, people don’t expect much of me anyway. I think my boss is just relieved that I have enough wherewithal to remember to turn up to work each day?
Pat - yes Miss!
TF - Oh, how sweet of you to say such nice things. We should marry at once. here, have a lick of my ice cream.
Lane - Bills. Ew. Now that’s a word I truly disapprove of. And I don’t much like the way they sneak up on us when we have wine and books to buy. Buggers.
Helen - Saint Chegwin on a mountain bike. Good. You just made the whole thing weirder
B - Oh, you poor thing, it’s horrid when the words are stuck, isn’t it? But you’re busy being a photography genius at the mo - I’m sure the creativity you’re using in that department will seep through to the writerly part. Those forums (fora?) are so hit-and-miss. Don’t be scared - you’re up there with the best of ‘em.
Fionnuala - Ooh, Nurofen and Sauvignon. Good combo. Who needs all those acid house parties and rave-ups (har, I sound about a million!) when we have vino and a soluble Disprin or two. Partay.
JJ - Oh! You think so? But what if I dehydrate?
Tam - Glad I’m not the only one prancing about Blogland at this time of the morning! Phlegmsip is genius, isn’t it? Aspirin and gin sounds slightly Dickensian but should definitely do the trick.
Annie - Thanks lovely! Definitely don’t need to be ill. Plus the headache-healing qualities of the Lemsip mean that your hangover is cured before it arrives. Tip top and hurrah!
You have no idea how good you are. Forget the sensible words and develop the stand-up comedians and Jesus on his bicycle.
Who wants sensible anyway?
You are a breath of fresh air. Don’t ever change!
Hulla
xx
Get thee to a doctor right now. Where’s Cheggers when you need him?
I think I saw your sensible words flying past the window a while ago. They seemed to be having such fun I let them go. Don’t be cross. I’m sure they’ll be back.
I just spotted some sensible words of yours in JJ’s comments box. Although there were two silly ones along with them. Daisy Delphinium, indeed! Bah.
I think fora is the right word, but to me that sounds like a short way of saying fauna and flora.
That made more sense in my head.
Anyway, thanks. Am feeling much better now - had a bit of a revelation about the amount of pressure I put on writing this week. And since then am all enthusiastic again. Yay! And thanks for the photography compliment, too
Zinnia, I’ve put it all together now. You should charge people for the motivational emails! Can I join in please?!
Hello Jen
I know I should be commenting on the forum; But I thought Jesus on a bike was fab. You really made me laugh.
Poetessx
Honeysuckle - You do say lovely things. I’m sure sensible is overrated but it would be nice to have a go now and again.
Hulla - Aren’t blog chums the best for cheering us along?
Karen - If I start bringing Cheggers into the equation, it’ll be the men in white coats rather the doctor chasing me. You should have caught the words in a Victorian butterfly net and then all would be well.
Zinnia - I rather like the sound of Daisy Delphinium. She sounds like the puritan, white-handkerchief-carrying version of Zinnia Cyclamen.
B - Yes, ‘fora’ does smack of botanical boffin doesn’t it? Pressure is no good at all (says the person who woke up stressing about behindness of coursework at 7 on a Sunday!) - it just builds up until we explode. BOOM!
Poetess - Thanks! I did actually say to lovely bf ‘I can’t possibly post this, it’s absolute nonsense’ so glad I did now. And the kind response is nibbling and eroding away the terrible lack of confidence the RNA’s scathing critique left me with.
Don’t worry, your words may be few and insensible, but they are chock full of concentrated, chucklesome goodness, fizzy as Andrews liver salts dissolved in champagne!
I think someone comes along in the night and steals my words and inspiration to do anything. I am so taken up with the fundraising malarky that I am doing little else. Not good at all and it must change. Tonight!
I think Tesco have got some BOGOF words this week. They’re all a bit shop soiled but should still do the job. I bought some ‘maybes’, ‘tomorrow’s and ‘can’t be arsed’s. Waitrose have some ’soporifics’, ‘elevenses’ and ‘apsolutely’s. Let me know and I’ll pick some up for you.
Lucy - Liver Salts in champagne! Oh, you fizzling, decadent thing, you! Love it!
Sarah - You’re doing fably with the fundraising. Whoever is taking your words during the night is simply keeping them somewhere safe.
Fia - That made me laugh so much. Being a posh island bird, I’m gonna plump for the Waitrose words, if you please. Thanks awfully for the chuckle. You’re a genius.
NHS approved. Oooh, I like the sound of that - anything with vodka in it sounds delicious to me! Very medicinal.
Hilarious post! Really cheered me up on this gloomy London day.
Is it me … or does the 9th October seem a long time ago?
I have written something for you over at mine. xx
CC - Oh dear, we do sound like drunkards. Never mind.
McBobo - Soz. It’s even longer ago not than it was yesterday. Sigh.
Hulla - You are a darling!
Pa….who needs sensible words…..I think ‘Christ on a bike’ is inspired….yay to non-sensible words!!
C x