Of Dastardly Dictation November 12, 2008
Posted by Jen in : A363 Open University , trackbackAhem. Studying, as I am, play-writing (the writing of plays, for those unfamiliar with such wizardly technical terms) the lesson has turned to speech. Dialect and accents. Now, I’m finding this a bit tricky. Any characters I write with an accent sound like halfwits. And to add to the wordy woe, apparently – when speaking colloquially - we’re all tripping our tongues tightly over iambic pentameter*. Erm… I’m not. I’ve checked: I’m mostly spouting crap. Oh dear. So far, so bad. And, spending all day as I do typing words that my boss has said with his mouth, I’m quite sure he isn’t talking iambically pentameter-ish either. I wonder whether I should point this out to him? I’m sure he’d want to know about such dictatorial shortcomings. No, maybe not then.
I have, of course, tried listening to lovely bf but he is from the North and therefore unable to speak properly anyway. Hmmmmmm. The course book suggests eavesdropping adventures. But, with all the studying and obsessing about play-writing, I am looking rather scruffier than usual which, combined with my lack of stealth-like stealth, means I am quite likely to be arrested for looking suspiciously sinister. But in prison, at least, I will learn some good lingo. And I will fit in well, the lack of time also producing what lovely bf lovingly refers to as ‘prison legs’. This play-writing lark is becoming more hazardous than I could have imagined. I bet Big Willy Shakespeare never had this trouble.
But (and don’t tell anyone) I am utterly bloody hooked on the idea of dramatization. It’s never occurred to me before that it’s something I could do. And at my A363 tutorial on Saturday, as I sat huddled up with 2 strangers and the motley collection of characters we’d just invented in our Brians, we wrote a play. And laughed and laughed and laughed… I am addicted. Obsessed with teasing tiny nuances out of simple sentences. Even when I sleep, my characters are cartwheeling and clattering about in my mind.
I think this lark will make me slightly mental. (Iambic pentameter, that. Hope you noticed.) Gawd. Pass the posh characters. I feel a touch of the luvvies coming on.
* Lovely bf is insisting upon referring endlessly to pant-ometers, i.e. the measuring of knickers. I, on the ther hand, am mindful of panto-meter which could be useful in working out whether there’s room for that fully dressed horse after all.
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Brilliantly funny you will do really well at this play writing lark, can’t wait to see your first production. Mind you I always thought that iambic pentameter was a disease of five limbed people!!!!!!!!!
Sharp intake of breath at Northern Accent insult. Tha’s cruisin’ for a bruisin’ lass.
I remember Daughter mentioning Iambic Pentameter once, in relation to some poetry they were learning at school, and I sent her for a lie-down assuming she was speaking in tongues. I can only recommend the same treatment for you m’dear. And when you’re feeling better you can get up and write a nice little play.
We’ll see your name in lights yet :o)
There was an article in this month’s Writers’ Forum about writing for television. I must admit though, I could not get past the jargon. I think I’ll stick to technical manuals about computer networking with TCP/IP.
My English teacher tried to tell me what iambic pentameter meant, but I just thought she was doing an impression of a fire engine.
It sounds like you may have found a little writing niche. Well done.
Oh so play-writing is the actual writing of plays, rather than of “it” or “hopscotch” or “monopoly” … interesting. I always assumed that plays were just a few people chatting. How hard can that be? And maybe someone’s trousers fall down as the vicar for some contrived plot reason? Or people wait and wait for someone not to turn up.
As for advanced mouth speaking, I can assure you that there are very few forms, when you get down to it.
Speaking Proper … this is epicentred on Guildford and reduces some inverse square law thingy beloved by math-e-matical types.
Chav talk … innit, whatever.
Mummerset … Ooooo’ar Missy Spiral, I don’t like the look of them there sentences you be writing.
Northern … t’Spiral woman, begone back t’shove and leave this fancy nancy writing t’men folk
Scotterish … a sort of ginger version of Northern
Amerrycan … y’all gonna be doing this authorisationication thing rite, y’here
See … easy.
ooh you’re all fired up. Brilliant!
Just don’t go as far as Giles Coren and have the mother of all hissy fits over an unstressed syllable at the end of a sentence. Or maybe you should. They are pretty naff:-)
Great post.
Of course one way of studying dialect and accents could be to watch a few soaps. Or listen to some of the football managers talking about the game that’s just been won or lost.
Bobo - as a Scot I am horrifed. Everyone knows that to reproduce the full glory of a modern urban Scottish accent, you need to talk through your nose and end every sentence with “by the way, man” There you go Spiral, your Scots patois sorted.
Can’t wait to read a sample……..good to hearn the excitement and most importantly laughter
Ah the ol “I.P” …..er?
You are completely mad and always make me hoot in a very unladylike manner. x
Forsooth, fair maid, iambic pentame
Ter doth trip off my keyboard. Night and day
Colloquial discursement carries wit
And wisdom, fact and fancy far away.
I suspected that iambic pentameter thing was a load of bollarks in A215, too. PEOPLE DON’T TALK LIKE THAT!!!!!! At least not in very long stretches at a time. And I read that Watching the English book too. She never mentioned it. And she knows EVERYTHING about being English.
I am ignoring your Northern Remark else I may never forgive you. And you gave me good feedback on TMA1 so I want to keep you on board
And I’m dead excited for you about your newfound love! Yay you! Dramatising is the way forward! H’rrah!
LOL, I look forward to this being performed, accents, dialect et al.
Good to hear you feeling and sounding so positive xxxx
That doesn’t make any sense does it? It’s late!
Fantastic. I needed a laugh.
Sheepish - 5-limbed people! Ooh, yes, we’ll get some of them in as extras!
Karen - Aw, sorry about the Northern teasing. You knows I don’t mean it. More likely to see my name in tights than lights. Big surgical stocking that have gone a bit grey. Grrrrrrr.
Colonel Brown - Ooh, writing for telly you say? Must have a look - I do fancy writing for Doctors or something like that… writing within constraints. Oh, that sounds like I wear handcuffs. Maybe for The Bill then? I shouldn’t have mentioned the handcuffs, should I?
(Mc)Bobo - You are indeed very clever to be able to type in so many languages… I like the vicar/trousers scenario. You’ve obviously read my script!
Lane - I shall wear a paisley scarf and shout through a megaphone about syllabubbles and suchlike. It will be marvelous, dahling…
Pat - I’m obsessively listening and watching and analysing everything right now - hadn’t thought of footie managers, good idea!
Loth - Cool! Scottish it is then! Ta muchly.
Liz - i think there may be too much of this laughter business. Misery is so much trendier.
Fionnuala - Unladylike, you say? Crumbs, I’m not sure one should behave so snortingly in public. Oh, it’s ok, Blogland is perfect for secret hooting. I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Zinnia - Fair maiden, you do type much sense today. But flounce and fancy always win the day. Too much of this will turn my chest hairs grey. (Hmmmmm)
B - Ye, bollarks and quite possibly bollards too. Watching the English is the best book in the world. Apart from some others. Northern northern northern! Tee hee. You know I’m just being silly. I love Northerners (even thought they speak right funny)
Debs - I am going to force my children to perform it. Or friends during drunkenness. Must buy gadget with which to record evidence.
Helen - Um, I’m confused now. I wouldn’t considered the non-sense but now you have me think before my second cup of morning Tetleys and my brain may be broked for the day now.
JJ - Aw, having read about poor Flicka on your blog, I wish there was something more than pantomime horses and piffle to give you. x
Hmmm, I was going to post a witty comment, but I’m trying to be serious and sophisticated at the moment. So, I’ve been pondering the question about this play writing marlarkay “How does a writer write a play that is to be performed by mime actors”
By using words or actions? TFX
Oooh, you do make me laugh, Miss Jen xx
TF - You are indeed most serious and sophistimicated. Mime artists are creepy, that’s why they’re not allowed to share the nice actors’ words. (And you have confuzzled me with your sensibleness, for I do not know the answer to your puzzlement)
Mandy - Oh yes, I really am most entertaining when not being a miserable old cow. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And Raaaaaaaaaaaaaah. And other sounds of grumpification.
LOL! I spent so many years teaching (um, trying to teach) IA to fourth and fifth formers that I’ve developed an allergy to the term. So I’ll pretend I didn’t hear you and just say that your new obsession sounds like great fun.
(Am trying to critique a ’speculative fiction’ play for a friend right now. No vicars, no truant drawers.
All I’ll say is he had the fun part and now I have to come up with something sensible when all I want to write at the end is: HUH?)
OK, that’s weird….I could have sworn I left a comment here!!! Can’t remember what I said but never mind….I’m sure it was very funny and full of good advice…NOT!!!
Hope the writing went well
C x
I think you’d have made a great writier of plays partner for Big Willy.
You could have written Three Women of Verona, Hazelet, Henrietta V, Miss Beth …
Liane - Oh no! now I’m thinking of truant vicars with fun parts which really won’t do at all!
Carol - I promise I haven’t been deleting you
Fia - Ooh, gender bending Shakespeare. That could be cool. But Liane’s comment has made me think rude things and now ‘Little Women’ meet Big Willy has firmy implanted itself in my Syd James mind. *Goes off cackling rudely*