Of Rudimentary Realisation February 22, 2009
Posted by Jen in : Journal , trackbackIt’s been a funny old week. Quiet. My gruesome twosome have been away, skiing. I, on the other hand, have not been on the piste at all. In fact, inspired by Qwerty Queen, I have been most abstemious. I’d like to report that I feel a zillion times better for it: zingy, springy and super-fab. Sadly, I don’t feel like that at all. A little while ago, I purchased some alcohol-free wine – just as expensive as the real thing but without the liver-clenching element. After all, I only drink because I like the taste. Oh, that and my love of glassware obviously. The alcohol-free wine was a great success – filled up an empty corner of the garage nicely and continues to do so. Hmmmmm.
I have, however, during this week of brief experimentation, realised that it is not the old vino that does me in. After all, I’m a Jersey girl. That’s what we do, it’s our heritage. Boozing is in our veins, as it were. The definition of Jersey? 90,000 alcoholics clinging to a rock. Excuses excuses.
Sleep. That’s what I’ve had this week. For the first time since before Christmas, I’ve discovered the joy of sleep. Proper sleep – the sort where you go to bed and stay asleep until it’s time to wake up again. Not the wrong sort where you go to bed shattered then wake up at 3 in the morning to think rubbish thoughts which mangle up the senses before eventually catapulting you into a cruel chasm of calamity, subsiding only minutes before the bloody alarm clock goes off. I have no idea why sleep has seductively snaked its way back into my life while the boys were away. They’re not babies, they don’t wake me up… in fact, more often than not, they’re chortling indulgently as they scrape me from the sofa towards bed. But there has been extra time. Time. Again. It all comes down to time. Tick. Tick. Tick. Life is such a balancing act, isn’t it?
I had a thought in the week, as I danced amongst the tree spirits at dawn. I could give up writing. I could just go to work, come home, cook dinner, watch telly, help the offspring with homework, go to bed and and be mellow. Unstressed. Normal. I stopped in my muddy tracks, gazing at the candy floss clouds above and considered that giving up writing would mean more time for everything else. And then the thoughts went sliding off on their own, gathering momentum as they whirled around the woods and came back to me shimmering with imagery and counted syllables. They flounced and goaded me with tone and metaphor. I laughed at the futility of my rationing: I can’t give up writing now. Not a chance. Even if I wanted to. It’s in there, in my very essence… along with my love of, erm, glassware .
I’m doomed and you know what? I’ll drink to that.
Comments»
Like you say it’s a constant balancing act, but in the end it’s worth it…I couldn’t give it up either.
I have that very same thought at times. ‘Wouldn’t I have lots of lovely spare time if I didn’t write?’ But what would I do with all that time? I have absolutely no idea.
You may have more time but you may also be be not quite right in the head. Maybe:-)
Glad sleep has come to find you. x
Now what we really need is for this wonderful Government of ours to put aside the task of sorting out the British Economy and instead concentrate forthwith with intoducing a Bill to make afternoon siesta’s compulsory to all woman of a certain age. Now that is what I call progress. Cheers. TFx (Keep writing !!!)
There is only any point in having time if you use it to do something you love. Like writing. (Or eating chocolate)
Blimey, have you really? I didn’t realise I was inspiring you. I too have been sleeping like a champion since I gave up the booze, I have a horrible feeling there’s a direct connection. Writing, now there’s a nice healthy addiction. I’m not giving that up either.
I have those thoughts, too, although mine are generally prompted by the desire to stop putting myself through the wringer. They’re beguiling little beggars, though, aren’t they? But even when I go along with them and try not to write I find myself doing it so I don’t think it’s letting me go. I don’t think you’re getting away either.
Better get a round in.
Bottoms up on that, SS. Giving up writing is not an option.
(My niece gave me a cute little plaque with the words “Carpe vino” for my birthday. The girl knows what I like, all right.
I’m so glad sleep has come to you. I love sleep so much.
And I am very glad to hear that you aren’t giving up writing. We know you can’t …
I can’t give it up either or the glassware although with Lent starting this week the other half and I have decided to abstain during the week! We’ll see how long this lasts…….
keep writing
lx
Yvonne – But is it worth it? I mean really? It’s such a competitive business and I’m spending time on it that might be better spent with my children. I’m sure they’d love it if I gave up and became less shouty!
Helen – Hmmm, yes, I know what you mean. When I started the OU, along with many others I used to curse the long hours of study on top of real life. But when each module finished, we realised we weren’t really missing out on anything after all!
Lane – ‘Not quite right in the head’? Yes, I think that sums it up nicely
TF – Ooh, yes, compulsory siestas for those prone to a touch of the vapours. I’ll put my name down for that. You are a genius!
Loth – Mmmmm… lots and lots of lovely time in which to consume Hotel Chocolat tum truffles. In this ideal world, they would also be calorie-free too of course… ooh, but maybe they’re better when they’re naughty… ooooohhhh… mmmmmm…
Queenie – Well, I haven’t gived up proper like what you have but I am being gooder than usual. Hasn’t improved my writing though, by the look of it! Am vee proud of you!
Tam – Oh yes, I hadn’t even mentioned the wringer. God, I’d forgotten about that. Hey ho, at least when those rejections start slumping through the letterbox, I’ll have good reason to be driven to drink. Chin chin.
Liane – Carpe vino? That’s fabulous, that is! Bottoms up indeed – though I won’t be resorting to writing *those* sorts of books I’ll have you know. Not unless I’m desperate or drunk. Hic!
JJ -I love sleep. And, until recently, it has always loved me back. Now it teases me two nights a week and pokes me in the eye on the others. (Not a good ‘un last night.) Maybe I could get a job as an owl?
Liz – You are actually the person last on my list to ever give up; your keep on-ness really inspires me. Giving up the glassware on school nights sounds a good compromise. I can drink out of a bucket at the weekends to make for it, yes?
i think i need to consider giving up entirely. really, really consider it.
just so i can realise that that might be an option. but not one i ever want to take for real.
i owe you email…………..!
B – I don’t believe you could give it up either. Even if/when you open your home-cooked fare emporium, it wouldn’t take long until you were plotting the book of the place. Maybe we just need a rest?! I thought I owed you email based on the fact that I owe everyone email. Being any sort of friend is yet another addition to my FAIL list right now, it would seem…
Chris and I decided that we were going to have two days off the booze a week….we *cough* managed one….how sad is that!!! I’m going up to Scotland for two weeks (to give those who are looking after Chris’s Mum a bit of a break) so shall probably not be drinking….hopefully I might manage to lose a few pounds!!
You can’t stop writing….it’s in your blood!!
C x
Jen you soundso like me you;re worrying me! Fx
I believe like all things it’s a matter of balance, any extreme will never serve you well, and in any balance of mine there is most definitely a bottle of plonk on the worktop ;o)
“I had a thought in the week, as I danced amongst the tree spirits at dawn” — just beautiful!
Give up writing? Insanity! Can’t be done. Alcohol-free wine? Double insanity! I’d rather drink mushy peas (for me, that’s saying something). Hmm, perhaps I should try giving up sleep. Maybe I’d get stuff done then. Or maybe not.
There is an award over at mine for you
C x
What a wonderfully resonant blog, atleast I think that’s the word I want. We are constantly trying to reduce alcohol consumption but for heavens sake we live in France, it’s why we’re here!!!! And it has never helped me to sleep better if I cut back[thank goodness]. And you definitely cannot give up writing someone has to keep us laughing.
I know exactly how you feel, you just put it so much better than I would.
Carol – I’m always doing that! The first night is easy and you wake up feeling all virtuous and, well, as if you should celebrate… Hopeless. Ooh, an award? Wahooo… another reason to celebrate – cheers!!
Fionnuala – Maybe we are the same person? Have you checked the mirror lately? I’ve seen The X Files – these things can happen you know.
Ian – Balance, mmmm, yes… a glass in each hand then? I’m actually useless at balance – I’m an obsessive all or nothing person which generally means something’s left undone. Except the wine. I always manage that!
Top Secret Admirer – Kev, you are the toppest secretest admirer I have! And my favouritest
Yes, give up sleep and then we can both be grumpy and mental togevvah?
Sheepish – Resonant? Aw, ta. I am totally moving to France when I grow up. They had better start producing extra wine!
Debs – It’s kind of reassuring to know that there are many of us who feel the same…
So you’re off piste? I would join you but I needed a tablespoon of red wine for a Delia recipe last night and to leave the rest would be a waste. Waste not want not…
Delia recommends freezing leftover wine in ice cube trays to use in sauces etc. Real women say, what leftover wine?
So glad you can’t give it up, what would be the point of all the other things?
Fiona – Um… off piste… well, you see, um, I’ve had this cold and, um… oh dear. Let’s just say it was a slippery slope. Making a sauce of some sort often leads to drunkenness, I find. Tricky business, cooking.
Lucy – Frezing wine into cooking cubes? Oh God, I truly feel faint!
i have now emailed you. but don’t stress about replying. whenever the fancy takes you
bollocks to being a bad friend. i’ve recently given up on a large chunk of my friends as they are naff. the ones who are important will get more effort as a consequence. and people who i’ve never had time to bother with might now get a chance.
that didn’t come out how i meant it. basically – people who care will understand if you don’t have time to email and who cares about people who don’t understand?
that’s better.