Beleaguered Squidgy -Don’t eat the seeds! Nooooooo! In fact, the seeds may be to blame for your surge of the sensibles. I can think of no other reason, frankly.

Apologies for the double-speak, I had a further attack of the sensibles and changed my name / the name of my blog.

I’m sure you have nothing to worry about hon

C x

Beleaguered – I am a little bit scared of your beak-nicking antics. Have you thought of stringing up some sparrows outside your duff agent’s window? I’ve got one going spare (sparrow, not duff agent, obv)?

Fionnuala – No, I don’t like birds either, or anything that flaps really. Not since I got myself locked in a pitch dark attic, surrounded by seagulls who decided I was there to torture their young. Seagulls are very horrible indeed, believe me.

Debs – How about I stuff the sparrow with garlic and roast it? Could catch on in these crunchy-credit times?

Leigh – Yeah, but everyone seems to hate Dan Brown. I bet he’s got allsorts strung up from his eaves. Not Licorice Allsorts though. That would just be silly.

Queenie – Ooh, I hadn’t hear that before. Any of it. You are vay clever. But perhaps it was an Australian deity who had lost his way. I do not think sparrows have much sense?

Lucy – the poor bugger’s still there. I was hoping the window cleaner might tend to it but he just ran off faster than usual, crying. Ooh, yes, Cumulus would be a fabulous name. And Drizzle – perfect for a manic depressive!

Liane – I suppose the power of most things is in the mind of the recipient? Um… where does one buy Holy Water? I had a look in the Co-op and will try the local deli but otherwise it’ll have to be vodka?

Mya – Salix? Crumbs, that conjures up a myriad of images. What an utterly brilliant name; sort of academic yet hippy-ish. I love it!

But just to be on the safe side: throw salt on your doorstep (keeps the evils spirits at bay), sprinkle your eaves with holy water (does the same), keep a white candle lighting for 3 weeks (let me know how you manage that one!), and stand the broom upside down – um, no, that one’s to get rid of guests who overstay their welcome!

all those hippy names like Willow and Sky are completely transgender aren’t they? I think t would be quite fun to have a hippy child called Hornbeam or Leylandii or something…

I’m sorry to say that Debs’ comment made me laugh by evoking a comedy cartoon seagull-flies-into-window image in my head. Maybe sparrows hitting the deck make God laugh and that’s why he pays attention.

When I returned to work the other day, there was a dusty outline of a seagull against the window. Mind you, the way we all felt, it couldn’t have lowered our moods any more.

I’ll still stalk you mind, just that I’ll stalk a few others too.

I’m not really stalking you though. Just in case you were worried. Hmmm, this is one of those holes one should stop digging, isn’t it?

The Great High Sparrow says hello by the way, and wants to know when you’re going to go and save them. I did my best, but my magical powers just weren’t strong enough. That evil baddie has a few fewer (a few less? a tad fewer? a smaller number of?) feathers than he did yesterday though. And I nicked his beak. I mean, I put a nick in it. I didn’t steal it. That would just be weird.

Oh hang on, there’s a dead sparrow at my window.