Of Sensational Serendipity November 25, 2009
Posted by Jen in : A210, Journal, Novel , trackbackIt’s funny. I always think I write in my journal on a regular basis. This is, in fact, not true. It never fails to amaze me that quite often a whole month – sometimes many months – have gone by without me jotting down where I am in life. What I think. What I feel. What I think ‘now’ never seems that interesting, you know? But then, when I read back over old entries, it’s like reading the words of a different person. Strangely enough, when I started this journal I didn’t write down the year. Just the date. February 27th. I suppose I thought it would be obvious which year it was. It wasn’t. It took me a while to work out that it was 2006. I was a different person then.
Last week, I was deep in indecision. Head or heart? Heart or head? I read through all your comments on my last post. I pondered my future. I decided that I’d made the right decision to finish my degree and put the writing on hold for a year. I’m sensible like that. And then I changed my mind. I’m fickle like that. On Friday, I was missing writing. Missing it a lot, I mean. No, even more than that. I wrestled and wrangled and scowled a lot. And then serendipity charged in. Did I want a place in the short-story group I’d been grovelling for? Grovelling for over a year, in fact. Too bloomin right I wanted it. And then, an unexpected but lovely comment about some of my photos sealed it. I’ve withdrawn from my OU course. It’s not copping out, I keep trying to convince myself. It’s a positive decision. I want to write. I’ve taken the day off today to make friends with Novel 2 again. I shall shake the characters’ sketchy hands and apologise for neglecting them. I’d somehow become the wrong person over the past few months. But I think the ‘real’ me is back now.
There has also been a new addition to my life. I’m quite cautious about new relationships but he seems lovely and I admit, I’ve fallen for him already. It’s a shame I’m allergic to him and have to mainline anti-histamine to enjoy his whiskery kisses. He likes me to write in bed and is fascinated by my words, especially when smudging them with his nose.
‘D’you want a cat?’ Tweed Clad Colleague bellowed at me down the phone.
‘No, not really,’ I replied in my determined voice. ‘I’m allergic to cats.’
‘No, it’ll be fine. He’s a hardcore farm cat. You’ll never see him.’
Three weeks later, Tommy is stretched out on my pillow. ‘Oh yes,’ he purrs, ‘I used to be a farm cat. It’s a mug’s game. Is it salmon or duck for dinner?’
Ok, that’s enough of the soppy cat talk. I’ve got to go order a new journal. My sporadic entries have meant that it’s taken since February 2006 to fill this one but it’s nearly time to tuck it away. It seems apt that it’ll be time to start a new one soon. Not just a new journal, but a whole new chapter. Life’s a funny old game, isn’t it? I really love it though. I’m purring, just like the cat, today. For lots of reasons.
Comments»
Glad you’ve come to terms with what you REALLY want. May I just ay that Tommy is adorable. Love him. x
Sometimes we are faced with difficult choices. Above all things, find yourself happy.
Fab post chicken! I applaud your decision to put down what is wrong to take up something that excites and allows you to breathe fully. Why is it we find that so hard to do and keep plodding on regardless until procrastination takes hold?
Writing is a funny old game
Especially journalling, all that emotion does seem to belong to a different person if you read back. You have inspired me today to both blog (ooo err, racy, two days and as many posts!) and dig out my old journal. Make sure you buy a gorgeously scrumptious one to celebrate your rebirth, something that makes you want to reach for it! A nice pen too 
Oh and before I leave you to it (for now). Just how lovely is Tommy!?! Make me want to adopt a cat but Noodle would drive it crazy!
Good luck with the scribbling xxx
Great post. People, and self-help gurus especially, always tell you to “focus on what you really want”. But working out what that might be is never easy. And, as my own journals attest, it can change from day to day. Remember, very few choices cannot be undone. The course will always be there if you decide to do it later.
Well done for knowing what you want to do! I struggled to the end of my english degree, wanting to give up for the last year and staying on because I thought I should. 17 years on I’ve never used it for anything!
I’m with you on the anti-histamines. I keep the makers of Benadryl in business since I have rabbits that live in the house, which I’m slightly allergic to. Think a cat might tip me over the edge though, since they can make me wheeze in minutes. Hope you build up some tolerance!
DJ – I can’t believe I made it seem such a difficult decision. It was obvious. And yes, Tommy’s a darling.
Carrie – Being happy is what it’s all about, at the end of the day. It’s far too easy to forget that, in amongst the other stuff. Hello. How lovely to see you nestled in here!
Danielle – D’you think it’s a British trait to cling on grimly to things that don’t work? You’ve hit the nail on the head that choosing the right thing allows us to breathe fully. I like that. You’re very wise.
Neil – Why does no one tell us that we need to work out what we don’t want before we can focus on what we do? I think it takes retrospective reading of journals to fully appreciate how much changes. ‘Very few choices cannot be undone’ is something I might scribble on my fridge door. Hello, by the way.
Denise – Hmmm. I knew I didn’t want a cat and look where that got me! Rabbits in the house? Er… I have never heard of such a thing!
OH WOW. So glad you’ve made decisions and joined writing again… and OMG, I am so jealous of your new loved one. I WANT ONE TOO. (Can’t, don’t know where I’ll be living in July ‘10….)
You sound so happy – isn’t that great? And that kitten’s so gorgeous! I want one…
Wow well done for taking charge of things in your life! You can always pick up the OU thing later down the line if you want to! I am on the final stretch so at the moment I just want it over with (even though I am enjoying the course, I just don’t do enough work and it ends up always being a struggle but I don’t need to tell you that!).
Also I know exactly what you mean about your journal. I love reading back on the things I said (I am always surpirsed that those particular words came to me!) despite at the time feeling horribly self-conscious and thinking it is pointless drivel.
I think the hardest part of having choices is actually making the decision.
Loving Tommy, so sweet, and just the right companion for many hours writing.
He is a bit of a looker. But does inter-species love always run true?
I love this post. All of it.
And I love to hear all about those thoughts and decisions. And the fact I’m not the only one who ‘journals’ haphazardly.
So glad you’re writing. Sooo love Tommy and his little bitty nose.
I love all of this post too. You’re so talented it makes me want to hurt you a little bit. But only a little bit.
Tommy’s adorable and well worth getting snotty over, and it’s only right that you’ve embraced the writing again. It’s destiny I tellya – destiny
)
…what’s that funny little yellow thing doing there, gurning away? Sorry about that.
Tommy is beautiful. He looks like he could be Jasper’s naughty nephew x
Brilliant post, Jen – and loving Tommy. Good luck with your plans! x
Well done Jen on Delicious Decision Making and Adorable Animal Animal Acquiring.
I too am missing writing so much it hurts and am fed up of ‘waiting til the New Year’ to get back to it again. Patience ain’t a virtue what I’ve got.
Happy happy writing
You’ve done the right thing….there is no point slogging away at something when your hearts not in it!! (And if you ever have a change of heart you can always take it up again!!).
You write beautifully!! I love reading your blog posts so am thrilled that you’ve decided to go back to make friends with your characters in novel two again.
Oh, and can I just say…don’t ever give up and don’t take one persons opinion as fact!!. Five years ago my Dad wrote a book which he thought was the best thing he had ever written…his American publisher didn’t like and his agent said they hated it!! Five years down the line….it’s been published in French and there are rumours of awards, has been in the middle of a bidding war in Frankfurt and has just been bought by a very prestigious Publisher in the UK (Not allowed to say who yet). So it goes to show that it pays to persevere!!
C x
Oh, and I forgot to say….
OMG the new man in your life is gorgeous!!!
C x
Awwwwwwwwww he’s soooooooooo cute.
And well done, you!
Ms SS, Life would be soooo boring without indecision! I’m loving Tommy, so cute
Good decision. Btw Meg says hi x
JJ – I’m not sure I actually ‘joined writing again’… I think it had me in its evil clutches all along. I was being silly to think I could escape?
Honeysuckle – You have no idea just how happy I am with life at the mo. It’s ace! I wish everyone could feel like this, all the time.
Kate – the words do change with hindsight, don’t they? Am so envious that you’re on the final leg of your degree. Got your Masters planed yet?!
Debs – Choices are tricky sods to pin down, aren’t they? And even when you’ve bitten the bullet, there’s no guarantee it won’t break all your teef. Kitten has fancy blue ink on his nose. Writer’s cat to the core.
McBobo – Interspecies love is the best flavour. Apparently.
Lane – Aw, you typed ‘itty bitty’. Haphazard is the new black, doncha know?
Karen – I’ll be wearing a padded suit and carrying plasters when I meet you tomorrow. Can’t wait! (Still smiling at your news, by the way)
Helen – Tommy is currently swinging like a trapeze artist, with his claws buried in my vay expensive Boden mac. Adorable. *Sigh*
Mandy – Plans are very good. Especially if you hold them upside down…
Sarah – It’s mad how the writing withdrawal gets us. Do you think we may be *completely* hooked? I do hope so.
Carol – Wow, good for your dad! It’s sooo hard to persevere when we’re fed negativity. And yes, you’re right. He’s proper gorgeous. (Cat, not your dad. But I know he’s lovely too.)
Queenie – Fanks. And aaaaaw. Am turning into a soppy cat lady
TF – Indecision, the queen of daydreaming and angst. Love it muchly.
Richard – I think it’s the right decision. Lots of love to you and Meg. STILL haven’t figured out a trip home. How is it December already??? Aaarrgghh.
Yay, hurrah for ditching something that wasn’t make you happy! And adopting something that is.
Beautiful cat, beautiful photo, and has suddenly reminded me that my old ginger tom (now deceased) used to have those little marks on the end of his nose too, and I was forever thinking he’d got smudged somehow (he used to crawl under cars and get oily) whereas in fact it was some kind of pigment thing.
xxx