Of Wednesday Wishfulness December 9, 2009
Posted by Jen in : Bits and Pieces , trackbackDear Santa/God
(are you the same person? I have doubts that there could be two tubby dudes with the whole beard and robes thing going on? Your secret’s safe with me)
Hello whiskery one, how are you? All set for your busy night? Have you figured out an alternative to reindeer power for the sleigh yet? Reindeer have rights you know. There are rules now, written down by very important people who make rules for a living. Have you thought about solar power? Perhaps not so good since your jolly jaunts are generally made at night. Powered by starlight, how about that? They’d love it on Dragon’s Den though they’d probably say the idea was patented by Neil Gaiman or something and then they’d heckle you until you cried. It’s a tough gig.
Anyhow, just thought I’d drop you a quick line with this year’s wishlist. And yes, I’ve been a good girl. Quite good, anyway. Good enough. Hmm.
I would like:
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Sparkly writing oomph in a golden bucket that I can ladle over my laptop so as to avoid reading gossip on the Daily Mail Online. I obviously don’t *actually* read gossip online, and certainly not on the Daily Mail, but you know what I mean. (You can’t see everything, can you? Oh, bugger. I won’t do it any more, ok?)
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A purple velveteen chaise longue upon which I will lounge while having terribly writerly thoughts. Sometimes I will have to think for extended periods (with my eyes closed) and it will be a special chaise longue which wakes serenades me with Elizabethan madrigals floating on magical rays of sunlight which will bathe me in warmth and deliciousness and make me thin while I write fabulous novels with plots that glisten potently and make people cry a little bit.
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Peace and harmony to all mankind, except the really horrid ones like the old bag in the Co-op who banged her trolley really hard into my bottom and then gave me quite a mean look.
If you have trouble with that stuff, some Hotel Chocolat rum truffles would be nice. I’ve been good enough to deserve those, surely?
Cheers mate.
Lots of love
Jen X
Comments»
I love this post! Why can’t I write like this? I’d like loads of writing magic added to my finger tips this year please. I’ve been VERY good all year (just ask my husband).
I think you might have a point here… It would explain why the dude in red only works for what, six weeks before Christmas? Because really, what does he do for the rest of the year?
Jen, I hope you get everything you want for xmas and if you want to see your ‘two front teeth’ (get it?) in not so glorious technicolour because I’m a crap photographer – pop over to mine. Twas great to meet you on Sat night. Fx
Santa doesn’t get it easy these days either – even Norad are watching him – http://www.noradsanta.org. One wrong turn and the US military will be after him! If you’ve never looked at the webpage take a look Christmas Eve, I think they time it so he flies over the UK at midnight – very cute!
If you end up with too much of that magic writerly dust I could take it off your hands…
This post is so lovely, I just want to unwrap it on Christmas morning.
Preferably perched on a purple velveteen chaise longue.
Do you think he can carry two?
Damn computer ate my comment, probably because I was giggling so much. I hope Santa brings you all that you wish for yourself and gives the horrible Coop lady a wobbly wheeled trolley for the next 12 months.
Oh thank God. I thought I was the only one guiltily snooping around the Daily Mail online. I feel less odd now. (I rationalise my dirty habit by noting that it’s worth reading for the comments which are PRICELESS!!
I think you’re right, Neil Gaiman has the starlight market pretty much sewn up but the Moon is still available to be Trademarked? Could be a go-er, I think!
DJ – You can write proper good – I know, because I have read your splendid book! I think we will all be blessed with some writing magic in 2010. I’ve put an order in, anyway.
JJ – The dude in red doesn’t even do the work, he makes the elves do it. I think all that power has gone to his head?
Fionnuala – It was SO ace to finally meet you! OMG, photographic evidence. *Gulps* But where’s the one of you, hmm?
Denise – I shall investigate that site on Christmas Eve, as instructed. I always do as I’m told you know. Blog friends can help themselves to the the magical writing dust. Or perhaps I should trade it for chocolate..?
Lane – I do believe Santa could manage a chaise longue for each of us. We’re worth it, no?
Debs – Wow, wobbly-wheeled trolleys, that’s quite a harsh punishment! Us Jersey girls can certainly dish out the pain, can’t we?
Loth – Oh, God, the comments are brilliantly awful, aren’t they? Erm, apparently. Ahem. It’s another world out there.
Tam – Trademarking the moon is quite a good idea really. I shall pip Mr Gaiman to that post, oh yes indeed.
Buckets of writerly sparkles to all of us. Definitely. Can I order that on-line from Iceland at all?
Buckets and buckets and buckets please! Do you get clubcard points?!
Helen – I do believe that ALL Christmas wishes can be delivered from Iceland. That’s the same as the North Pole, if you add a little creative licence, isn’t it?
CC – Yep, double clubcard points and free chocolate & wine, since they come as default with any writerly urges. Lovely to see you at Cally’s launch, you looked gorgeous as usual (grrrrrr)!
LOL….I can’t get past the whole Santa and God being one and the same….although I struggle to see God being quite so jolly!!
I do hope you get what you wish for….I love the idea of a purple chaise longue but it wouldn’t match my decor….you think he might bring me a red one?
C x
Poor elves , that big rush order in for chaise longues in purple
might cause a Work To Rule and then who’s going to deliver my mechanical Snow Shovel/Grocery Shopper ?
I love the idea of lounging on a velveteen chaise longue. In reality I’d probably slide off and sprain something.
Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and that Santa is in a good mood and grants all your wishes (though you already have lots of sparkly writing oomph so I think you’re being a bit greedy there.) xx
Budge up on that chaise longue!
Have a wonderful rest of Christmas and an everything-filled New Year. Much love.
Carol – I bet God knows some rocking jokes! Life and soul of any celestial party. I do believe we should all have a chaise longue at our disposal. And champagne. It’s churlish of life to refuse us such things.
Geraldine – hello. I was swooning over your blog earlier in the week, it’s lovely. A mechanical snow shovel and grocery shopper would be marvelous. Could it make the morning tea, too, d’you suppose?
Karen – If you fear for your safety on the velveteen plushness, I recommend the failsafe Chaise Longue for Ninnies and Numpties – all the softness of velvet but a cunning use of Velcro, the other ’sticky’ side of which is worn in a special safety harness. Barbara Cartland used to swear by it, I tell you. That’s why she wrote so many books – she simply couldn’t get off!
Lucy – Plenty of room for all of Blogland on the magical chaise longue. ‘Everything-filled’ you say? Gosh, that sounds super. A little bit of everything to you too. We deserve it!
Your word count has started moving. Yay for you!
Mr Bedshaped – It has, well spotted! Just need to make it move faster and more often now!