Of Existential Excuses February 3, 2010
Posted by Jen in : Allergic to Children, Bit of a Mid-Life Crisis , trackbackI had an email yesterday. ‘You blog needs updating, Honey,’ it nudged. Another last night asked ‘Have you dropped off the edge of the planet or just the edge of reality?’. Hmmm.
I’d like to inform you, dear reader, that I have spent the last month immersed in my writing. Sadly, I can’t do that, ‘cos it’s not true. Bugger.
I don’t think it’s *actually* possible to drop off the edge of reality. Reality isn’t flat, for a start – if it is, you’re doing it wrong. My reality, it seems, is a deep, dark well. The drips of real life are fermenting, becoming viscous in the gloom. The droplets stick to me and smell a little bit manky. I can’t describe the smell. It’s sort of the opposite of Jelly Tots, if that helps?
There has been children stuff to contend with, amongst other things. Son No. 2 must choose his GCSE preferences by Friday. ‘I’ll have to take the higher level ICT course if I’m gonna be a games designer,’ he informed me wisely. ‘But if I’m no good at that, I might be an archaeologist instead.’ Er… what? Yes, that’s great, Son 2. I’d like to be a lion tamer and a hot air balloonist. I’m not though. Here, have a go in the Well of Reality. I do realise, of course, that lobbing your offspring into the pit of dashed dreams isn’t in the parental job description. Hmmm again.
Son 1 is choosing his A Levels. He is being very sensible, drawing up lists and combinations of amazing academic cleverness. In between these moments, he is studying hard for his GCSE’s. People of Sussex, if you hear the demented screams of ‘You’re not going to get an A-star in MSN chatting you know,’ that might be me. Oh, good God. When did I become that person?
Novel 2 is… well, I like the idea so much, I actually want to live the main character’s life. That’s a bit sad, isn’t it? This means one of two things: I’m just terribly excited about writing Novel 2 OR I’m sooooooo on the verge of a mid-life crisis.
*Goes off to weave daisies into her plaited hair…*
Yes, my brain is in a pickle. Oh dear. So long as the good and exciting bits at least manage to make a dent in the ‘reality’ and ‘plain daft’, it’s probably going ok though. Isn’t it?
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I think you should get on and have this mid-life crisis you’ve been talking about since May 2007, oh yes you have, here’s the evidence http://www.spiralskies.com/2007/05/03/mid-life-crisis/#comments. Now go and buy a red sports car and a toyboy, or whatever it is you have to do, and get it over with!
wine. mid life crises involve a lot of wine. don’t they?
please don’t tell me if they don’t. i’m looking forward to it.
i want to be a hot air balloonist now!
Hmmm, my life seems to be a bit like that… except that it’s hot and humid here. Doing the GCSE choice thing with Daughter. Doing the ACTUAL GCSE thing with Son (Yes, that’s right I’M DOING IT!) and he’s choosing choices for IB as they do here…
At least you can drink wine…
Eeeekk…sounds like you have your hands full!! I kind of like the idea of being a lion tamer…but not the hot air ballonist…I’m scared of heights!!
Have a mid-life crisis…go on…you know you want to!!
C x
So what you’re saying can be boiled down to this. You need jelly tots. They will fight the good fight for you and you will be bright and sugary. Problems solved. Trust me, buy some jelly tots. Trouble is, I’m not fond of jelly tots so will have to keep looking for my salvation. I suspect it might be chocolate buttons.
I’m intrigued by current novel though. You want to lead their life which means they’re a hot air ballonist AND a lion tamer. That’s going to be one interesting plot! Write it quickly, I want to read.
I’ve spent many evenings pleading with my children to find a career that they’ll enjoy and not go into the finance sector like me. When my son did his three weeks work experience in an office, wearing a suit, he looked so handsome, but I found it upsetting to see him like that. It must be the hippy in me fighting to get out.
I was going to write something witty, but my SOH is in hibernation like a Blue Peter tortise, I’m sure it will raise it’s ugly ‘ead again like a teenager with acne. Jen methinks (dangerous!) that you need to write comedy with a capital C m’dear for your words are VERY witty indeed. Yes indeedy. …… BTW, you’re far to young for a mid-life crisis….
I’m not too sure being in a hot air balloon with a lion that wants taming is all that good an idea. Hope your son sorts out his options in time. Maybe he can design archaeology-inspired computer games…
Have your mid life crisis then get your ass over here as the earliest possible moment and we can have a night out! I had hoped that boys grow out of the silly career path bit by the age of your two but Ben is thinking he is going to be a rock star or a lawyer as they both pay well!
Ah, I dunno a good dunking in the Well of Reality might just do the trick
and as for your mid-life crisis, if you do decide to succumb please do remember to record it… for all our sakes 
You are too young for a mid-life crisis, my dear. You are but a mere stripling. The average age is 44. Then again, you don’t really tick any of the average boxes, do you? Get stuck in to novel 2, it will cheer you up, I promise.
Mya x
Queenie – I’m revving up to it gradually. You can’t rush a good mid-life crisis you know!
Beth – Yes, of course there’s wine. You’d be a good hot air balloonist. You’ve got good hair for it.
JJ – Shall I have some wine on your behalf? It’s a selfless act I’m willing to endure…
Carol – I’m determined to enjoy my mid-life crisis. I don’t think it’s quite started yet. I’m sort of planning it so that it has maximum impact and changes the world as I know it!
Denise – I’m saving the lions and hot air balloons for non-fictional lifestyle adventuring. The novel will be much more sensible than my actual real life. Salvation in the form of chocolate buttons sounds worth a go. I’m not sure whether Jelly Tots still exist?
Debs – I was thrilled when I escaped banking for a job in the arts. Now, though, all my friends are rich and I’m still muddling through. Our inner hippies probably have more fun than the suits though?
TF – Perhaps my mid-life crisis will ferment before erupting in a terribly messy fashion? Your SOH isn’t hibernating, it too is fermenting. Oh yes it is. I know about matters of fermentation.
Womagwriter – Hello! So you think untamed lions & hot air balloons to be an unwise combo? Hmmmm. Ok, you may have a point.
Hayleybelle – Perhaps I will have my mid-life crisis in Jersey? It will certainly make the campervan crushes more attainable… Ben talks sense. Is it too late for us to be pop stars, d’you think?
Gekkogirl – Fear not, I’ll be dragging this blog along on my tales of mid-life misadventures! I’ll also keep my armbands on so I don’t drown in the Well of Reality. I much prefer the alternative!
Mya – 44 you say? Ooh, then I have a few years to practice? Fabulous. I’m getting stuck in, I am, I AM!
I would love to be a rock star cept I can’t sing, OH thats means I may have a chance as most of them out there can’t either.
No seriously, have that mid-life thing in England in your sleepy neck of the woods then carry on!
If I had that much going on I wouldn’t even be able to think about writing let alone anything else.
You could always make your main character a lion tamer and live through them as you write. That sounds a lot less scary!